Do you react to some people
as if they were someone else?
Continued from: Transferences
& Transference Loops - Part 1
Transference is an unconscious redirection of feelings from
over a hundred
was the first to perceive and acknowledge its importance
emotions and predicting behavior.
Rapport, Transference & Compliance
Have you met a stranger and immediately liked and trusted that person? Were
your warm feelings a result of the influence of a positive transference?
Have you met a stranger and felt
an immediate dislike to that person. Did this
person remind you of some problematic person ... a negative transference?
Such interactions typically reveal one of six common
But any transference, positive or negative, can increase confusion.
If a person reminds you of someone you like - including yourself -
you may trust that person without evidence of sincerity,
honesty or integrity. People trained in rapport and compliance skills,
as taught in many sales trainings and seduction courses, can
influence you by matching or mirroring
your own non-verbal body language.
Some people unconsciously mirror
other people. I recall interviewing a woman and noticing
that she compulsively mirrored my every move. I gradually
leaned more and more
to one side ... and she nearly fell off her chair! Martyn
If you are influenced by a positive transference, you may feel an
unusual pleasant feeling or inappropriate rapport. Then you become
more likely to agree with whatever that person tells you. However, as that sense of rapport
fades, you may feel manipulated, betrayed or abused - or you may try to
cling to that person.
Although helping professionals may not consciously recognize
or avoid transferences with their clients, they can lessen the potential
damage caused by them:
- avoid social relationships with
current or recent clients
- avoid professional relationships with
friends or family members
- never suggest, offer nor allow an
with a client
- read 3. again - if you prefer to avoid relationship chaos in your life
If you feel attracted to (or repelled by) a person, you can
discuss your professional rules before you start work.
If you suspect that either you or a client may have a
transference with each other, you can discuss what behaviors
are appropriate before the emotional temperature rises higher.
Sometimes, the road to hell seems to be paved with transferences.
Solve Relationship Problems by Dissolving Transferences
When I notice a transference, I may educate a client about
transferences, or I may offer to find out to whom the transference is associated and
dissolve it. I teach coaches and counselors how to dissolve transference loops
between partners in our Couple Coaching trainings, between family members on our Family
trainings and between team members on our Team Trainings.
After reading your article on transferences,
I was shocked to notice just how many of my clients see me as a mother
figure. I also realized that this is part of how I attracted and kept clients.
If I let clients cling to me ... if I let them use me as a
substitute for Mom ...
I subtly encouraged them to behave like hurt children.
Transferences in Coaching, Counseling & Therapy
People often react more to body language than verbal logic, and to the emotional reactions and
intuited interpretations of this nonverbal communication. This can
trigger strong emotions which may motivate inappropriate friendships, intimacy
Many couples and other partners
create core transference loops. When a core loop is activated, both
partners may lose resources, with unpleasant
consequences. We help people recognize and find solutions for such doubled transferences.
Long-term dissolution of core transference
loops is more complex. A common example is that a woman
perceives her male partner as a son, and the man
perceives his wife as a substitute for his mother. The results
are both commonplace and devastating, and often seem to trigger
extra-marital affairs and painful divorces.
Your couple coaching helped
us evaluate our core values and goals, and the type of marriage
we both wanted. You helped us transcend personal advantages and
sexual attraction - you reminded us that we are both
real human beings with real dreams of happiness.
We help couples befriend and manage their emotions and to build the skills,
supportive beliefs and values needed for long-term partnership and parenthood.
you and your partner can benefit by resolving the underlying causes of ...
If you attend our couple counseling training, you may not look at couples
the same way again. You will see much well-intentioned hurt and the consequences of
abuse, betrayal and ignorance on whole families. And you can develop your maturity as you untangle
people's emotions and relationships.
Transferences are unconscious
ties - and unconscious lies.
We can help you recognize and change them!
Contact us to manage your emotions and
solve relationship problems
Online Life Coaching, Relationship Counseling & Systemic Therapy
I thought you were just
another therapist - but you were not just. Not even. Not only.
Plagiarism is theft. Copyright © Martyn Carruthers 2001-2018
All rights reserved
* Heinrich Racker : "Transference and Counter-Transference",
International Universities Press, 2001
* Harold Searles: Countertransference and related subjects; selected papers.,
New York, International Universities Press, 1979
* Margaret Little: Transference Neurosis and Transference Psychosis,
Jason Aronson; 1993
* Nathan Schwartz-Salant : "Transference and Countertransference",
Chrion, 1984 (Reissued 1992)