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Emotional Issues
Anger & Rage

Eating Problems
Emotional Maturity
Grief & Loss
Inner Child

Pain Control
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Toxic Beliefs
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Dissolve Conflicts
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Enjoy Partnership
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Solutions for Children's Emotional Problems
Solve Childhood Problems © Martyn Carruthers 1999

Online Coaching & Counseling for Children's Problems

Prevent and Solve Children's Emotional Problems

Children who appear to lack concentration or curiosity, or who are a
nuisance to teachers, may be labeled learning disabled - or worse.

However, many troubled children are punished or medicated for
expressing or reflecting their parents' immature behavior.

This table is useful for understanding many consequences of
emotional incest, parental alienation, vanishing twins 
and other family causes of children's problems.

Parental Behavior & Children's Reactions
© Martyn Carruthers 1999-2018

Parents' Behavior Children's Symptoms Potential Solutions
Parent(s) don't manage family crises, or pretend that family stress is normal Children are preoccupied (ADD) and show stress symptoms (e.g. nail biting, nightmares, bedwetting) We help parents manage family crises quickly and effectively
Parent(s) hide guilt or ignore uncomfortable truths Children sense and obsess about guilty family secrets We help parents manage guilt issues quickly and effectively
Parent(s) abuse children

Parent(s) live through children

Parent(s) try to own children

Parent(s) act like children

Parent(s) ignore / abandon child 

Children confuse roles, and bond unhealthily with parent(s), siblings or friends

Children may be traumatized and withdraw from family

Children may try to punish selves or other family members

We help parents find friends with whom they can discuss partnership and parenthood

We help parents clarify their  relationships with their own parents, partners and past partners

Parent(s) bond to a child as a substitute for a partner (covert emotional incest) Children confuse roles and try to become a partner to the parent We help adults parent their children and love their partners – even if separated, divorced etc
Parent(s) ignore dead or missing family members (often to avoid explanations or feelings of guilt) Children confuse roles and may show chronic sadness or melancholy We coach parents to discuss dead or missing family members with their children
Parent(s) ignore the consequences of abortion or miscarriage etc Children confuse roles and may show chronic sadness After an abortion, miscarriage, stillborn or cot death, we help a family honor the missing child
Parent(s) allow other people to interfere with the parents’ roles and the child’s welfare Children confuse roles and may become unable to commit to healthy partnership when adult We help parents clarify to children who are parents and who are substitutes for parents
Parent(s) allow family members to be manipulated or victimized Children confuse roles and may show chronic anger We help family members define and fulfill their responsibilities
Parent(s) ignore courageous actions or bravery by a family member Children confuse roles and may show chronic anxiety We help parents honor all acts of bravery by family members
Parent(s) become resourceless, resorting to verbal or physical abuse or ignorance etc Children may identify with conflicting parental beliefs, with chronic internal conflict We help parents work together as a team to maintain family harmony
Parent(s) insist that children control or hide their emotions Children may hide all emotions and emotionally withdraw or dissociate We help parents explore children’s emotions and how to express their emotions
Parent(s) ignore children’s goals or punish children for saying what they want Children focus on what is missing – may develop little sense of life direction We help parents explore children’s goals and how those goals may be fulfilled
Parent(s) communicate that children cannot contribute to family goals Children feel unloved and act out to discover if they are loved We help parents explore their  children’s contributions to family situations and goals
Parent(s) blame their children
for family problems
Children withdraw from family. Depression & psychosomatic disease symptoms common We help parents manage partnership and parenthood concerns

Online Solutions for Difficult Children

  • When we work with children, we embed our counseling within stories,
    interactive metaphors, art, games etc.
  • We require the active participation of a parent or legal guardian
    (ideally a parent) of a family who seek help for troubled children.
  • The participating parents may require some sessions with us to
    resolve any immature emotional baggage that they are carrying.

Contact us for help resolving emotional blocks and relationship issues

Online Coaching, Relationship Counseling & Systemic Therapy

Plagiarism is theft. Copyright © Martyn Carruthers 1999-2018
All rights reserved.

If you like our work, please link to us. If you know someone who might benefit,
please mention or

For online help, email us at:

Soulwork systemic coaching in America & Hawaii


Soulwork systemic coaching in England, Wales & Scotland

Soulwork systemic coaching in Croatia & Serbia

Soulwork systemic coaching in Poland



Have You Suffered Enough?

 Where are you now? Understand your emotions, fixations and enmeshments
What do you hope for? Know your goals and stop sabotaging yourself
Do you feel resourceful? Learn to develop your inner resources
Do emotions block you? Relationship problems and mentor damage
Do your beliefs limit you? Change limiting beliefs and end dependence
Do you feel connected? Resolve identity issues to recover lost resources
Is your partner happy? Build healthy partnership (or separate peacefully)
Are your children healthy? Happy parents better manage family problems
Do you want team success? Team leaders and their teams develop together
Do you have complex goals? Specialty coaching, counseling & therapy

Plagiarism is theft. Copyright © Martyn Carruthers 1996-2018  All rights reserved. Soulwork Systemic Coaching was primarily developed by Martyn Carruthers to help people solve emotional problems and relationship conflicts to achieve their goals. These concepts and strategies are for general knowledge only. Consult a physician about medical conditions and before changing medical treatment. Don't steal intellectual property ... get permission to post, publish or teach Martyn's work - email