Do you want to end self-sabotage or self-criticism?
Do you damage your happiness and hurt your success?
Do you want to untangle difficult emotions or relationships?
Also see: End
Self-Criticism, End Depression &
Do you Sabotage yourself?
When things go well, do you throw away your
success? Do you sabotage your friendships, potential partners,
income or projects? Do you avoid
being happy? Do you suffer from impulsive laziness,
procrastination or psychosomatic symptoms?
Do you justify self-sabotage by calling it self-sacrifice?
"It's too difficult! I just can't! I don't have enough money!
I don't have the time!
I don't know how to do it perfectly! I just distract myself."
Do any of these apply to you?
- I feel stupid if I work hard.
- Success should be easier.
- I pretend to be a good person.
- I start projects but I don't finish them.
- I don't express my talents or abilities.
- I make less money than I could make.
- I usually feel like I'm not doing enough.
- I settle for less, although I can do better.
- Being nice is more important than success.
- I read self-help books but I don't change anything.
Do you recognize some of these? Are you sabotaging yourself?
Do you want to change self-defeating thoughts or other habits?
How does your self-talk or internal dialog
affect your life? We can help you explore and change self-criticism, defeatist thoughts, difficult emotions and relationship
How do you sabotage yourself?
You sabotage yourself when you:
- obsess about past errors
- avoid planning your future
- avoid solving your problems
- avoid coaching and mentorship
- tolerate endless internal conflict
- pursue goals you don't really want
- not practice activities you want to improve
- not stay current with important developments
- remain addicted to a thing, an activity or a person
- consume things that you know make you fat, slow or sick
Why Would You Sabotage Yourself?
Do you have thoughts like: "I don't stick to my goals;
I don't finish my work on time; I deserve to feel miserable"?
Although self-sabotage often manifests as negative thoughts and actions, the
underlying causes are usually unpleasant emotions.
Many people believe that self-sabotage is associated with low
self-esteem, low self-worth, low self-love and low self-confidence. We
find that self-sabotage usually reflects a person's past relationship problems.
I built many businesses to a
certain level of success, and then watched them collapse.
I repeated this
all my life. During our third session, I realized that I could never let
myself be more successful than my mother. We changed that. Hawaii
The most common cause of self-sabotage are
childish parts of a person that continually remember or relive difficult experiences. Other examples of what really causes people to
sabotage themselves include:
- Secondary gains - does failure have nice benefits?
Identity Loss - are you present, conscious and awake?
Enmeshment - is it OK to be happier than your parents?
Transference - does your partner object to your success?
- Are you compensating for someone's death?
Complex conflicts - do parts of you fight about your success?
Identifications - are you responding to someone's victimhood?
Belief-bonds - have you limiting beliefs
about yourself or your world?
- Guilt - do you feel undeserving of success because
you have hurt others?
- Emotional incest - are you bonded to
a parent as a substitute for a partner?
If you don't change, you stay the same. Do you repeat try-cycles in which
you try to resolve your issues - until you give up? We can help you grow up?
When do you Sabotage Yourself?
Do you avoid making or implementing plans? Do
you daydream instead of work? Becoming conscious of when
you sabotage yourself can help you end the cycle. You can also notice
where, with whom, how and how often
you sabotage yourself.
Dissolving self-sabotage is usually a huge step towards living the life that you want! Changing self-defeating habits can bring you closer to
your goals than any amount of complaining, blaming, self-criticism or willpower.
Adult Self and Child Self
help you explore those parts of yourself that you may call inner saboteurs or gremlins, etc; and those parts of you that you
may call your inner mentors, or intuition, wisdom, high self, etc. Here is an
Inner Saboteur (Child Victim)
Inner Mentor (Adult Creator)
I cannot do that
I focus on my fears
I feel powerless - I am stuck
My energy is low - I feel hopeless
I must avoid my fears
I can only fight or run away
True power is outside me
(I often feel disappointed.)
There are many ways I can do that
I focus on my values
I feel powerful - I can change
My energy is up - I feel excited
I want to achieve my goals
I can create or confront problems
True power is within me
(I often feel satisfied.)
We can help you resolve the emotional and relationship blocks
that sabotage you. We
you find a personal compass for self-direction during conflicts and decisions.
I told you that I wanted to destroy my
self-sabotage. We discovered that it was a
young stressed-out part of
me from when my parents blamed me for their divorce.
You helped me mature and integrate that side of me. It's over.
Contact us for help managing
unpleasant emotions and
Online Life Coaching, Relationship Counseling & Systemic Therapy
I thought you were just
another therapist - but you were not just. Not even. Not only.
Plagiarism is theft. Copyright © Martyn Carruthers
2009-2017 All rights reserved.