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We present interactive, demonstration-rich
workshops on systemic coaching, relationship intelligence, resolving family
chaos and relationship bonds. Email us if you would like a
workshop in your area.
Systemic Coach Training
People studying Systemic Coaching exercise many
communication and coaching skills. Most adults are suitable exercise partners and
enjoy this experience. However, some people are unsuitable - practicing
coaching with
unsuitable exercise partners or clients may create problems. This may assist
coaching
students to identify appropriate and inappropriate exercise partners. It
also provides guidance for graduate coaches to select appropriate
clients.
Each coach training provides specific homework and between-session assignments, together with specific warnings about what
type of people to exercise with and common entanglements to avoid.
I encourage coach students to only exercise with
physically healthy people who appear to have many happy relationships. These
people will probably enjoy the exercises and have fun learning useful
communication skills and information about their relationship behavior.
Make a game of choosing names for the duration of the
exercise, and choose unusual or funny contexts. Keep exercises
light-hearted! For example, an exercise scenario for practicing "dissolving
nonverbal objections" might be “Criticising Zeke the Greek fish seller that his
fish is not so fresh”.
Setting Boundaries
Mark out a physical exercise space as “separate” from everyday
relationships – “Here is our friendship and there is our exercise space!
Here we are friends and there we will be exercise partners. Here we are who
we are, and there we will be (for example) “Adam and Eve”.
As useful and as fun as Soulwork exercises are, some people may be
unsuitable as exercise partners. As a general rule - if you're not sure a
person is stable - don't exercise with him or her! (The same conditions apply to you -
which is why we filter people who request Soulwork training -
and why you learn so much material in such a short time!)
Children
If you want to coach children - become a GREAT story-teller! You cannot
practice story-telling too much! Let children remind you how to play! Build a
repertoire of fun games! Children will probably LOVE such time with you. On
the other side, children before adolescence can rarely make independent
decisions, and can rarely consider abstract questions such as “What makes
sense in life?” Systemic Coaching may bring family situations to conscious awareness, and a child may be unable to cope
with this knowledge.
Childlike Adults
Adults who behave like children make poor exercise partners. If they are
responsible and motivated to change - great - explain that these exercises
may provide some small assistance. Some adult children play "victim-games",
telling depressing stories and pleading for help. An “exercise” may become a
series of repeated instructions ("OK - I'll explain it again..."), or a
series of requests for deeper changework ("Please help me because I can't
cope..."). Practice noticing the nonverbal signals of age-regression! Most
people show these signals under stress, but adult children may live
age-regressed lives. Refer "adult children" to experienced
coaches.
People in Crisis
A person in crisis may be preoccupied and unable to function as an
exercise partner. Examples of a crisis are a real or threatened loss of income;
threatened marital separation or a serious illness in the family. Even "I
need to go to the toilet but I'm too shy to tell you" can
disrupt practice. Become expert at noticing and responding to nonverbal signals of stress, age-regression and
confusion.
People with Medical Conditions
People with a disease that affects their minds may be
unable to function as exercise partners. Examples are fevers, infectious
diseases, disabling diseases, degenerative diseases, senile dementia or the
stress of having been diagnosed with a serious illness. Responsible people
with minor somatic diseases may enjoy exploring the underlying benefits of
the disease.
People who threaten Violence
People who threaten violence to others, to you or to self are totally
inappropriate as exercise partners. They may become overly involved
with the role playing and use it as a way to express strong emotions.
Recommend that aggressive, anxious or depressed people seek medical or psychological
counseling.
People with Mental Health Problems
People who seem "lost" or “out of touch”, or who suffer from dementia, Alzheimer’s disease, Parkinson’s disease etc, or who are diagnosed
with mental health problems, are inappropriate exercise partners. They may
identify with the role playing and forget that it is a game! Better if you
ask them to "just watch" or to seek medical or psychiatric assessment.
People who take Psychoactive Drugs
A person taking psychoactive drugs (prescription or self-medicated) may
be unable to function as an exercise partner. This includes alcohol - one
beer can be too much! They may
forget their roles, fool around and generally waste practice time. (If
a person asks you whether to continue taking prescription drugs - unless you
have appropriate medical credentials, refer the person to their physician.)
Most people are healthy!
Healthy people enjoy participating in coaching exercises. Healthy
people can learn or improve some important skills while learning about themselves
and their relationships.
Healthy people can offer appropriate and useful feedback.
You will encounter difficult clients, and it is easier to
deal with them if you have already encountered similar problems during
exercise weekends and practice sessions. After you have practiced all the
basic Soulwork skills, play the "Client from Hell" game! Play it a lot!
Developing skills in Systemic Coaching requires practice, practice
and more practice! One result is your increased flexibility. Another is
your experience with a wide range of people from a wide range of backgrounds. You
will also benefit from the feedback about your abilities
and attitude. The goal of your coaching practice is to develop excellence.
Do you want effective coaching, training and mentorship? Do you want to coach people to resolve emotional and relationship challenges?
© Martyn Carruthers 1999-2009 All rights reserved |
