Are you entangled in relationship problems or negative emotions?
Do you want to untangle your life and reclaim your freedom?
Are You a Good Parent?
Parenting is not easy - parents
often lacked mature role models and
many parents lie to their children to control their behavior.
For me, looking into a baby's eyes can be like looking into
infinity. Holding a baby helps me touch the beauty of the world,
the fragility of life and my connection to humanity. For me, each
child is a miracle representing the parents' creativity.
Our eldest boy is a medical doctor, his sister is
getting her MBA and our youngest is doing volunteer work in Nepal.
We are so proud of them ... we're not sure what we did right.
... We were mostly very happy together and we showed them how to
be happy too.
Why do so many children become lost adults? How do children lose their
value of being human? We can help parents support that sacred space.
Together, we can glimpse that beauty and sacredness, and bring it
into your family and relationships.
My neighbor has three children from three different
fathers. The eldest (25) is in prison,
the next (22) is schizophrenic and the youngest (19) is addicted to crystal meth.
She did her best for her children. What else could she do?
Few children seem to realize how small, weak and delicate they are. Depending on their age, you may want to offer
them authority, advice, guidance, mentorship or coaching. Are you sure
of your role? Life situations require life skills, and children's needs
change rapidly. Do your children complain
about your parenting?
Most children are five or six years
old before they notice that many adults treat them
as if they are stupid. Even then, it will be another twelve to fifteen
they have civil rights and more years before they have professional
Iíll never understand parents ... and being a
parent doesnít seem to help.
For me, the primary duty of a parent is to prepare
children for adulthood. It is too easy to say, "Love your
children" ... which can mean anything. Here are common roles
of responsible, mature parents ... difficulties often arise in how to fulfill
- Taxi driver
- Teaching values
- Setting boundaries
- Being role models
- Model social skills
- Letting go
An important part of parenting is letting children explore
the world and preparing children to learn from their successes and
mistakes. Parents often
need to take a step back. Stepping back can make their relationships stronger.
The more that parents cling to their children - the harder
their children must push them away.
When parents describe
perfect children - they normally mean compliant and obedient.
Do your children have two active parents? Do you and a partner
provide a peaceful, protected home in which your children can develop?
Do you and your partner discuss and solve problems quickly and peacefully?
If not - do you want couple counseling?
Often you can't give back to your
you give forward to your children.
If you are a single parent, you may try to
compensate for your missing partner. You may try to be father and mother to your
children. You will fail and the consequences may not be pleasant. Confusing role models
can distort the sexual orientation of children.
Are humans the only creatures on
who let their adult children come back to the nest?
We can help you know what you did well ... and what you may have missed ...
and find ways to fill any gaps. We can explore what's best for you.
Do you live in Healthy Community?
Your parenting may be complicated by a permissive yet
aggressive world. Economic, political and social forces await your children
at school, in sports, entertainment and at home. Marketing lies,
disappointments, competition and cult-like organizations can distract and damage your children's efforts to cope with an
already complex world.
We were trying to be perfect parents - and we were
exhausted from looking after our business and our own parents, as well
as helping our children with school problems ... you helped us sort
it all out. We are becoming a real family. London, Ontario
Single parents have additional burdens. Are you
trying to be mother and father? Are you teaching your children how to
cope with a changing world? Their world is very different to the world
of your childhood. The consequences of not teaching your
children how to cope with negative emotions and relationship problems include:
- negative emotions
- relationship problems
- missed opportunities
- academic underachievement
Your children must make decisions using
limited judgment, self-control and problem solving skills. Your
child's failures can indicate where your coaching was needed. Or
can you become proactive? Can you anticipate their problems and
coach them first?
- develop your children's social
and emotional skills
- help your children manage emotions,
chores and homework
- help your children choose appropriate skills
for different circumstances
- observe your child's emotional and social
skills and provide practice time
- monitor where your children were
successful, and where they had difficulty
- help your children work out why things go
wrong, instead of punishing them
- show that you support your children -
help them explore why difficulties arose
Your children may pay more attention to you if they
feel that you are all in the family together. You support
safe conversations when you discuss your own errors, with helpful feedback.
When your children see you participating - and using coaching skills, they are more
likely to follow your lead.
Maybe talk about adoption early and often - make it a normal
topic for both you and your child. Step-parents can gradually introduce the
theme and keep pace
with an adopted childís developing emotions. Step-parenting is challenging.
Discuss adoption throughout your childís life. Give adopted children plenty of
time to process it.
Our adopted son struggled with attention
deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). This wrecked his attempts
to plan and manage himself as well as his schoolwork. But since
our couple counseling he has started improving.
Prevent Learning Disabilities)
Speak positively about your adopted childís birth or
biological parents. Attribute some of your childís skills and features to
their birth parents. Adopted children will feel that criticisms of their
genetic parents are criticisms of themselves. Explain that
children can love two sets of parents.
Emotional Maturity Single Parents
Important relationship skills for young children include
taking turns, sharing, greetings, goodbyes, helping, following directions,
thanks, apologies and compliments. Children need caring coaching
Online Coaching for Parenting and Relationship Problems
I thought you were just
another therapist - but you were not just. Not even. Not only.
Plagiarism is theft. Copyright ©
Martyn Carruthers, All rights reserved 2004-2017