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We present interactive seminars and demonstration-rich workshops on systemic
coaching, relationship happiness, resolving family chaos and relationship bonds.
Would you like a workshop in your area?
Desire as a Path to Integrity
You can use “desires” as a path to discover and connect to your deepest self!
This can be a basis for living a meaningful life. Consider your answers to:
- What makes sense in your life?
- Why are you here?
- What is your life purpose?
These questions may sound ridiculous - or they may seem worthy of
introspection. Your answers
may not seem to relate to your normal, everyday life. Yet your life consists of normal everyday days. Here is a normal everyday question: What
do you want?
[ Meaning of Life & Coaching
]
Well Formed Goals
Do you avoid beginning sentences with “I want...”. Do you say things like “It’s important that...”, “It would be nice
if...” or “People need...”.
Such answers may reflect what you want, but
you may make internal comments like “It’s not
good to say what you want”, “If you say what you want you will offend somebody”
or “What’s the point – I can’t get it anyway”.
Verbalize your wishes – start sentences beginning
with “I want...” – and your world will change. Well formed goals
provide direction and motivation.
Your answers to goal
questions may require information that you can only fain unconsciously. You may
go into trance as you consider your goals. Hence we sometimes call this Goal
Hypnosis.
Evidence of success?
You may
want a bigger house, more happiness, less suffering. Maybe you may want a
romantic holiday in Hawaii or to get rid of your old car. Your answers may
seem to only reflect your current needs.
Yet, if pursued, your answers will lead to profound questions of purpose and
meaning. And if your goal reflects your life’s purpose, if your goal has deep
meaning for you, achieving it will be fulfilling.
What do you want now?
Do you know exactly what you don’t want? Maybe you don’t want to be
unhappy. This thought will accompany images of unhappiness. Ask instead “What
do you want instead of being unhappy?” Perhaps you want more something?
Maybe you want more money. This thought will accompany images of not having
money.
“How will you know if you have more money?” If you
continually state negative goals or comparisons - you may be excluding an
important part of yourself from your decision process. Include this part by
focusing on what you do want.
What do you want next?
Do you normally make “multiple” wishes? Do
you want money and freedom? Do you want a university degree so that
you can find self-respect? Do you want someone to do something for you?
Double-wishes usually indicate internal conflict.
Can you put your wishes
into a sequence? Would having money lead to freedom - or would having freedom be
a step towards money? Can you let go of a cause-effect? How else can
you find self-respect? Can you take responsibility? What benefit will
you have if that someone does that something for you?
Sometimes multiple wishes may be mutually exclusive. For example, “I want a
monogamous relationship AND I want many affairs”. “I want to put all my
effort into building a business AND I want to travel around the world for a
long holiday”.
In this case, find the advantages of achieving both goals –
even if their simultaneous fulfillment is impossible! What would become
possible for you if you were to have already achieved both those goals?
This question may help you find a more profound goal. (See
Double Wishes)
What EXACTLY do you want?
Maybe you want happiness, or love, or health. Abstract goals are unlikely to
support your success. Do you know how you want to achieve your goal?
How do you want to have happiness Do you know how you will know if
you achieve your wish? What would convince you that you have love And
do you know your real goal? For what purpose do you want health?
When do you want this?
Do you have goals without deadlines? Do you want to feel wonderful - sometime?
Do you want a high quality relationship - before you die? Even if you know exactly
what you want - if you do not choose a time frame, your chance for success
may lessen. Exactly when do you want your success?
Achieving what goal would convince you that you are living your
life purpose?
Do you want relationship coaching or systemic coach training? We can train you to coach individuals, couples and teams to resolve complex relationship challenges.
Copyright © Martyn Carruthers, 1996-2009 All rights reserved
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