Do you use drugs instead of improving your
relationship with yourself? Do
anti-depressants or stimulants seem easier than solving emotional problems?
Some people do not accept that they have problems,
some hope for
magical cures and some don't believe that long-term solutions exist.
Part 1: Coaching an
Part 3: Inner Children
& Emotional First Aid
About one in four people will experience an emotional
or relationship crisis this year. Many people will feel and act childishly.
Do you want to avoid this by changing
obsessive thoughts, difficult emotions and relationship issues?
My doctor said that I had a "personality
flaw" that caused me to act childishly. He
referred me to a psychologist,
who I met for over two years with no real change.
after meeting you,
my "personality flaw" vanished and I feel so much
Wanting to change is not enough. We offer a practical approach
that you can enjoy.
We can probably support your values, goals and dreams. We are not just
people whom you talk at ... we can help you
manage your emotions, change limiting beliefs and build better relationships with yourself, your family
and your friends.
Do you want to change slowly and gently ... or do you just want to
move on with your life? If money is an issue, what it will cost
if you don't solve your problems?
What is an 'Inner Child'?
By Inner child we mean age-regressed,
childish motivations. Carl Jung talked about a 'Divine Child'. Emmet Fox
referred to a 'Wonder Child'. Charles Whitfield described a 'Child Within'.
Sigmund Freud called them complexes and in psychosynthesis they are
called ego states. We just call them parts.
Split-off parts generate
unpleasant emotions and obsessions.
Some people call them entities, gremlins or demons!
These parts of a person were
split-off during some crisis ... without integration, they can remain
split-off for the rest of a person's life. Most of these parts, no matter how
negative they seem, represent qualities that you once had, but seemed to lose:
such as innocence, creativity, innovation and intelligence.
Whenever I was really angry, it was
like a demon took over me. You asked me how old was the demon ... I was
shocked ... it was a little boy ... it was ME ... very angry about his parents'
stupidity ... and he sort of came out whenever my wife reminded me of my
mother. I wanted to cut that anger out of my life ... instead you helped me
befriend that little boy ...
he's safe now ... he's grown up ... he's me. Birmingham
Inner child work was popularized by John Bradshaw, who wrote that
children of dysfunctional families lose their I AM-ness - they lose the assurance that
their parents or guardians were healthy and loving caregivers.
My life goal is to live like a
5-year old child, to live a life of playful wonder and happiness ...
the universe should take care of me and give me whatever I need.
I don't know what I'm
doing wrong ... yes ... I was 5 when my parents divorced ...
how did you know? Hawaii
Many human issues seem to originate in
childhood. Are you a child at heart, searching for some childish
meaning in life? Does an inner child control your life?
Adults who let inner children control their
lives often live in chaos!
Inner Children need Inner Babysitters!
Abused, stressed or traumatized children may be unable to deal
with their emotions and conclusions, and hide or bury them. The result is split-off
parts of self that seem to be stuck in those emotions and beliefs. Until this is resolved,
that childhood crisis has not ended. The result: many adults feel and act like children in times of stress.
The relief of dissociating negative emotions can feel
good, and is a basis for many New Age therapies. However, people seem to
unconsciously compensate for this loss of personal identity with undesirable
adult habits (which make sense in the context of the original
All my life I waited for people to make
decisions for me and I feared rejection. During our sessions, I found that my
fears started when I was about two. A baby inside me was hiding,
waiting to be loved. I wanted to get rid of my fear, but
you helped me love this fearful child inside me and help her grow up.
Occasionally we find people with an inner child who seemed to
have split-off before birth. We assume that if a pregnant mother was in stress,
neurotransmitters in the mother's blood can transmit intense emotions to the
Many people may (unconsciously) try to grow up an inner
child by giving their children what was missing in their
own childhoods. However, immature parents may neglect their responsibilities
and repeat their parents' drama with their children.
Did some childhood trauma split your
personality? Adult victims of childhood trauma often block unpleasant memories
and cannot assimilate their damage. Perhaps a childish YOU communicates through
your childish emotions.
Going APE: Assimilating Split-Off Parts
The APES model (Stiles 1990) describes recognizable
stages as people assimilate problematic experiences. We help people
accelerate through these stages.
Assimilating Problematic Experiences (APE)
Dissociated: A person is unaware of a problem;
and feelings are rapidly silenced.
Avoidance: A person avoids remembering an experience.
and feelings are unpleasant but scattered
Emergence: A person cannot describe a problem clearly but
suffering or panic associated with some past experience.
Clarification: A person can recognize potential solutions
manage unpleasant emotions and inner conflicts without panic.
Understanding: A person can describe the experience
with some unpleasant feelings and some
Application: A person can set goals, solve problems and be
more optimistic in this context.
Resourceful: A person uses problematic experiences
resources; feeling generally optimistic and satisfied.
Integration: A person can use an
as a resource
for solving other situations and problems.
The consequences of trauma and abuse can include an inability
to make decisions; and a sense of shame, guilt leading to self-abuse. Ignoring these
consequences can lead to limiting beliefs,
learning disabilities and
We help people find and integrate lost or childish parts of themselves.
We talked about my habit of being late and I
found that an inner child was causing this. After your coaching, I not only
enjoyed being punctual - I felt taller and much more feminine. I felt like a
woman instead of like a little girl. Warsaw, Poland
We help people resolve trauma, abuse, parental alienation or emotional incest, etc.
Do you want to free yourself of emotional
and relationship issues?
Part 1: Coaching an
Part 3: Types of Inner
Children & Emotional First Aid
If you assimilate an inner child, you learn to live and love again.
Online Systemic Coaching,
Relationship Counseling & Soulwork Therapy
I thought you were just
another therapist - but you were not just. Not even. Not only.
Plagiarism is theft. Copyright © Martyn Carruthers
All rights reserved.