Relationship disappointments and trauma can cause children
to fragment and
"split off" parts of their minds; and later in life they may experience wild
emotions, obsessions, compulsions or emotional "inner children".
Those same emotions, obsessions, compulsions and etc can be
regaining qualities that they once had - before they buried and forgot
Qualities such as playfulness, creativity and innocent love are still waiting
to be accepted - for people to unlearn their reasons for denying them.
Do you sometimes think, feel or behave childishly,
or perhaps you say,
"it's like part of me is missing."
We can help you assimilate your lost
or missing parts, and become one integrated person.
Inner Child Part 2: Emotional Maturity
Inner Child Part 3: Emotional First
Consequences of Relationship Disappointments & Abuse
I often define trauma as events that cause people to fragment their minds
and dissociate their emotions. If you believe that a trauma was deliberately caused
by another person, you might call it abuse. We help people integrate
or assimilate their split-off parts - usually as
qualities that they lost during the trauma or abuse.
Did you receive the support that you needed?
Were you neglected or abused? Did you suffer a serious accident or life-threatening disease
without appropriate support? If so, do you still experience anxiety, or nervous
helplessness? Do you feel disturbed or distressed when something reminds you of
those events? Did you split off or hide some parts of yourself?
The symptoms are common. You may feel overwhelmed
during a relationship disappointment. You may have panic or anxiety attacks? You
may be unable to concentrate. You feel exhausted, yet you cannot sleep properly.
You suffer from senseless nightmares?
accuse you of acting childishly or behaving immaturely?
While some dissociated people can be phenomenal managers who are not swayed by
their feelings, others cannot plan
effectively - they may feel
that they live in an eternal now with a depressing past but little positive future.
They may criticize themselves without mercy!
I only dated
weak men so that I felt safe. You helped me explore my fear -
saw my father hurting my mother when I was six - and that six-year old
me seemed to be frozen in time. You helped her
out and grow up.
Since then I have changed a lot - and I like strong people!
Unresolved emotions from stressful events can cause flashbacks
and nightmares. You may feel emotionally numb or you may experience
strong emotions and mood swings. You may be diagnosed with
depression, chronic anxiety
or worse, although these diagnoses are opinions that cannot be confirmed by any
We can help you heal the consequences of childhood abuse and domestic
violence, or of war, terrorism, prison, rape, military service or surgery. We can help you heal.
Shadows of the Past
You may not remember any abuse or trauma. You may have
strong negative emotions but remember only minor incidents. Or you may call
some terrible events normal. We can
help you recover your memories, if you wish, and help those split-off parts of you
communicate and grow up.
We can help you pull yourself together.
I had an embarrassing fetish about
wristwatches. You helped me sort out
a vague memory of being sexually abused by a male babysitter whose
watch stimulated me. Since our sessions, watches are just watches.
Consequences of Trauma - Split-Off Parts
Immature adults may be unable to commit to adult
partnership, healthy parenthood or responsible employment. Instead they may seek
substitutes for a parent (in a partner or a boss) and they may envy their own
I married my wife because she
loved the child in me. She wrote letters to the little
boy in me
... but when you helped him (mini-me) grow up and become whole,
my wife said she could not stay with me. She can only relax with needy men.
Now she lives with
a man who has bipolar
and she's happy
If you experienced stress, trauma or abuse,
but you did not
resolve it, you are less likely to stay employed or happily
married, and you are more likely to feel depressed, anxious or
stressed. You may suffer low self-esteem and you may only
relate to people who also suffered trauma or relationship disappointments.
Some Consequences of Split-Off Parts
- accident prone
- chronic pain
- risky relationships
- depression and guilt
- mood swings
- panic attacks
- sleep disorders
- substance abuse
- volatile emotions
The consequences of abuse can include a sense of helplessness or inability to
make decisions or to act; shame, guilt, self-blame; or feeling dirty or defiled.
We can help you nurture and integrate your childlike parts that are
stuck in memories and communicate as emotions, compulsions or obsessions.
I was 8 when my parents divorced
and I had to live with my grandmother.
She would lock me in
the cellar ... over 30 years later it felt like part of me
was still in the
cellar ... and still
furious. Since you helped that side of me
my anger is maybe ten
percent of what it used to be.
Your children may try to carry your burden. They may perceive
you as a victim and try to protect you, or as unloving and try to
We often see such patterns repeated across generations. The consequences of ignoring this confusion can
include children with toxic beliefs,
learning disabilities or
Integrating an Inner Child
Many health professionals offer medications to manage these consequences of abuse and
trauma. But if the underlying identity loss is not
restored, then the symptoms may return as immaturity and adult dysfunction. This is most evident in
As a therapist I was familiar with
partitioned ego states (you called it
inner child work).
You helped me sort out my own issues so fast ...
please teach me
how to do this with others? South Africa
Instead of trying to distract yourself
with drugs, sex or food addictions,
we can help you regain your
integrity and rebuild your identity.
You can rebuild your relationship with yourself.
Online Life Coaching & Counseling
(Find your Inner Babysitter!)
I thought you were just
another therapist - but you were not just. Not even. Not only.
Plagiarism is theft. Copyright © Martyn Carruthers
All rights reserved.