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Coaching an Inner Child - Part 1
Find your Inner Babysitter Martyn Carruthers

Online Coaching, Counseling & Soulwork Therapy

Relationship disappointments and trauma can cause children to fragment and
"split off" parts of their minds; and later in life they may experience wild
emotions, obsessions, compulsions or emotional "inner children".

Those same emotions, obsessions, compulsions and etc can be the keys to
regaining qualities that they once had - before they buried and forgot them.
Qualities such as playfulness, creativity and innocent love are still waiting
to be accepted - for people to unlearn their reasons for denying them.

Do you sometimes think, feel or behave childishly, or perhaps you say,
"it's like part of me is missing." We can help you assimilate your lost
or missing parts, and become one integrated person.

Inner Child Part 2: Emotional Maturity
Inner Child Part 3: Emotional First Aid

Consequences of Relationship Disappointments & Abuse

I often define trauma as events that cause people to fragment their minds and dissociate their emotions. If you believe that a trauma was deliberately caused by another person, you might call it abuse. We help people integrate or assimilate their split-off parts - usually as qualities that they lost during the trauma or abuse.

Did you receive the support that you needed?

Were you neglected or abused? Did you suffer a serious accident or life-threatening disease without appropriate support? If so, do you still experience anxiety, or nervous helplessness? Do you feel disturbed or distressed when something reminds you of those events? Did you split off or hide some parts of yourself?

The symptoms are common. You may feel overwhelmed during a relationship disappointment. You may have panic or anxiety attacks? You may be unable to concentrate. You feel exhausted, yet you cannot sleep properly. You suffer from senseless nightmares?

Do people accuse you of acting childishly or behaving immaturely?

While some dissociated people can be phenomenal managers who are not swayed by their feelings, others cannot plan effectively - they may feel that they live in an eternal now with a depressing past but little positive future. They may criticize themselves without mercy!

I only dated weak men so that I felt safe. You helped me explore my fear -
I saw my father hurting my mother when I was six - and that six-year old
me seemed to be frozen in time. You helped her come out and grow up.
Since then I have changed a lot - and I like strong people!

Unresolved emotions from stressful events can cause flashbacks and nightmares. You may feel emotionally numb or you may experience strong emotions and mood swings. You may be diagnosed with depression, chronic anxiety or worse, although these diagnoses are opinions that cannot be confirmed by any laboratory tests.

We can help you heal the consequences of childhood abuse and domestic violence, or of war, terrorism, prison, rape, military service or surgery. We can help you heal.

Stress . Depression . Insomnia . Anger Management

Shadows of the Past

You may not remember any abuse or trauma. You may have strong negative emotions but remember only minor incidents. Or you may call some terrible events normal. We can help you recover your memories, if you wish, and help those split-off parts of you communicate and grow up. We can help you pull yourself together.

I had an embarrassing fetish about wristwatches. You helped me sort out
a vague memory of being sexually abused by a male babysitter whose
watch stimulated me. Since our sessions, watches are just watches.

Consequences of Trauma - Split-Off Parts

Immature adults may be unable to commit to adult partnership, healthy parenthood or responsible employment. Instead they may seek substitutes for a parent (in a partner or a boss) and they may envy their own children.

I married my wife because she loved the child in me. She wrote letters to the little
boy in me ... but when you helped him (mini-me) grow up and become whole,
my wife said she could not stay with me. She can only relax with needy men.
Now she lives with a man who has bipolar and she's happy again.

If you experienced stress, trauma or abuse, but you did not resolve it, you are less likely to stay employed or happily married, and you are more likely to feel depressed, anxious or stressed. You may suffer low self-esteem and you may only relate to people who also suffered trauma or relationship disappointments.

Some Consequences of Split-Off Parts

  • accident prone
  • anxiety
  • apathy
  • chronic pain
  • risky relationships
  • depression and guilt
  • dissociation
  • hyperactive
  • withdrawal
  • mood swings
  • nervousness
  • panic attacks
  • promiscuity
  • self-harm
  • sleep disorders
  • substance abuse
  • volatile emotions
  • worthlessness

The consequences of abuse can include a sense of helplessness or inability to make decisions or to act; shame, guilt, self-blame; or feeling dirty or defiled.

We can help you nurture and integrate your childlike parts that are stuck in memories and communicate as emotions, compulsions or obsessions.

I was 8 when my parents divorced and I had to live with my grandmother.
She would lock me in the cellar ... over 30 years later it felt like part of me
was still in the cellar ... and still furious. Since you helped that side of me
grow up, my anger is maybe ten percent of what it used to be.

Your children may try to carry your burden. They may perceive you as a victim and try to protect you, or as unloving and try to avoid you. We often see such patterns repeated across generations. The consequences of ignoring this confusion can include children with toxic beliefs, learning disabilities or depression.

Integrating an Inner Child

Many health professionals offer medications to manage these consequences of abuse and trauma. But if the underlying identity loss is not restored, then the symptoms may return as immaturity and adult dysfunction. This is most evident in relationships.

As a therapist I was familiar with partitioned ego states (you called it
inner child work). You helped me sort out my own issues so fast ...
will you please teach me how to do this with others?
South Africa

Instead of trying to distract yourself with drugs, sex or food addictions,
we can help you regain your integrity and rebuild your identity.
You can rebuild your relationship with yourself.

Online Life Coaching & Counseling (Find your Inner Babysitter!)

I thought you were just another therapist - but you were not just. Not even. Not only.

Plagiarism is theft. Copyright Martyn Carruthers 2007-2018
All rights reserved.

If you like our work, please link to us. If you know someone who might benefit,
please mention or

For online help, email us at:

Soulwork systemic coaching in America & Hawaii


Soulwork systemic coaching in England, Wales & Scotland

Soulwork systemic coaching in Croatia & Serbia

Soulwork systemic coaching in Poland



Have You Suffered Enough?

 Where are you now? Understand your emotions, fixations and enmeshments
What do you hope for? Know your goals and stop sabotaging yourself
Do you feel resourceful? Learn to develop your inner resources
Do emotions block you? Relationship problems and mentor damage
Do your beliefs limit you? Change limiting beliefs and end dependence
Do you feel connected? Resolve identity issues to recover lost resources
Is your partner happy? Build healthy partnership (or separate peacefully)
Are your children healthy? Happy parents better manage family problems
Do you want team success? Team leaders and their teams develop together
Do you have complex goals? Specialty coaching, counseling & therapy

Plagiarism is theft. Copyright Martyn Carruthers 1996-2018  All rights reserved. Soulwork Systemic Coaching was primarily developed by Martyn Carruthers to help people solve emotional problems and relationship conflicts to achieve their goals. These concepts and strategies are for general knowledge only. Consult a physician about medical conditions and before changing medical treatment. Don't steal intellectual property ... get permission to post, publish or teach Martyn's work - email