Many people have problems communicating emotions and feelings.
We help people manage their emotions and
solve relationship problems.
Part 1 Coaching an
Part 2 Emotional Maturity
Common Types of Inner Children
It seems that most inner children are created during
relationship disappointments - during a crisis that could have been at any age
from pre-birth to young adult. Many people seem to have more than one
inner child, and their inner children may play with or fight each other.
We help people find solutions for problematic emotions. Let's
look at some types of inner children and corresponding adult behaviors. Then we
can consider how to find inner babysitters:
1. Playful Children
This inner child may want to play "let's pretend",
and may be addicted to toys and perhaps to video games, and may be unpleasant to
people who interfere with their toys and games. As adults they may have
difficulty planning, and prefer to be spontaneous.
2. Demanding Children
This demanding inner child wants everything NOW. If they don't get
what they want, they may feel or express emotional outbursts or sulk.
As adults they may wait for someone to give them what they want, and if
not, they may feel motivated to take it.
3. Neglected Children
Unloved inner children want to be nurtured and loved like any hurt
child, but may not feel lovable. They weren't taught how to love or be loved, and they
may be selfish and impulsive. As adults they may often feel empty or depressed - life
never seems to make sense - and they may have problems expressing adult love.
4. Abandoned Children
This lonely inner child felt discarded or rejected, perhaps during
a divorce or because the parents were preoccupied. As adults they
may fear being abandoned again, so they seek endless attention
and reassurance. They may also be very angry.
5. Frightened Children
Frightened inner children may have been abused or overly criticized.
As adults they may feel anxious and criticize themselves. They may continually
seek acceptance - especially from people who they perceive to be somehow
like parents. They may have (or fear) panic or anxiety attacks.
6. Detached Children
A suspicious inner child may not trust anyone. Any intimacy
seems a scary risk. As adults they may avoid commitment and responsibilities ...
they may expect friends and partners to leave, and feel uneasy if someone stays.
They may try to "buy and sell" love (they may measure love in gifts!)
7. Ignored Children
Rejected inner children may be forever hiding. As adults, they
don't know or believe in themselves and may feel undeserving of
assistance or support. As adults they may be very logical and rational, but have
difficulty defining and expressing their feelings.
8. Sensitive Children
This sensitive inner child rejected their real parents and searched for
perfect parents or a 'heavenly' home. As adults they may be religious
and either express intolerance for other philosophies or desperately check every
possible spiritual path, searching for a way to "go home".
Suppressing or ignoring inner children can have unpleasant consequences'
- Depreciates life
- Stress reactions
- Feeling incomplete
- Fears of inadequacy
- Disliking own children
- Not feeling good enough
- Never learning how to play
- Obsessions and compulsions
Emotional First Aid: Inner Babysitter
We repeatedly find that if a person had not dissociated or
split-off the overwhelming emotions (to create an inner child), they
feel that may have become insane, sick, criminal or dead! The original
dissociation seems to be a way to survive some crisis! ALWAYS be
gentle when communicating with inner children!
First - FEEL YOUR FEELINGS!
Learn how to comfort your inner child. If you didn't enjoy
healthy bonding with your mother, our re-parenting may help your healing. Some
easy strategies are to wrap yourself in a soft blanket
in a comfortable and imagine comforting the child who you once were
... (have a box of tissues ready - you may cry - a lot).
For years I studied a form of intuitive
"inner child" healing and I am certified to use it.
But many of my clients are more childish after my work than they were
They seem to expect me to become their mother. Therapist,
Don't try to force or manipulate inner children ... that
may be why they split off! Learn to love and respect these parts of
you! Be endlessly patient. Inner children are often lost in time - from
their points of view the trauma may still happening! They may be
shocked to discover that you have grown up!
Some treats for your inner child may feel strange at first!
Perhaps read your inner child a story as you sit in a comfortable chair.
Maybe sing a lullaby to your inner child if you feel upset. Maybe buy and
use some children's coloring books and crayons. Perhaps take real children
to a play-park or zoo, or go a circus, or watch a children's movie - as
if your inner child was with you.
We can coach you, step by step, to find and heal your inner children,
then to become one person again - to integrate yourself - to pull yourself
Integrating an Inner Child
If you do not manage the adult consequences of childhood trauma,
you may feel like a wounded child whenever something reminds you of your early
stress. You are less likely to enjoy stable employment and stable relationships;
and you are more likely to feel angry, depressed and anxious.
Some people who want to
adopt children are
searching for parts of themselves.
I wanted to adopt a child. I am 45, and I
had a HUGE urge to find and help and
love a child who was abused or abandoned.
When you helped me explore my feelings,
I found that I was searching for an
abused, abandoned and childish part of myself! Croatia
Our inner child coaching has helped many people,
yet much depends on the maturity of a person and the extent of disassociation,
which can cause many symptoms. More extreme possibilities include:
- You may feel strong, childish emotions
- You may feel that the "real you"
is lost or missing
- You may feel that you are re-experiencing a childhood trauma
- You may feel that you and/or your surroundings
are foggy or unreal
Contact us to accept and integrate an inner child.
Learn how to express, receive and enjoy mature, adult love.
Online Coaching, Counseling & Soulwork Therapy
I thought you were just
another therapist - but you were not just. Not even. Not only.
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