Does "curse" conjure up images of
witchcraft, black magic and horror movies?
Some people say that they or their family seems to be
cursed and describe inexplicable events that happen in
families - generation after generation.
Family Blessings or Family Curses
Some families seem especially lucky - or unlucky. The idea of
family blessings and curses being passed down from generation to generation
may sound medieval, although you can check its relevance in your own family.
It's common knowledge that the behavior, emotions and
personalities of parents influence the behavior, emotions and personalities
of their children. Its commonly known that children, as they become adults,
either become like their parents or react against them ... and sometimes both.
Some families seem to enjoy more good luck, while other
families suffer more tragedies. While every family must cope with diseases,
accidents and deaths these and similar occurrences may not
only impact the daily life of a family, they
seem to influence a family for generations.
The Greek mythology underlying Western culture suggests that
blessings and curses were inflicted by deities. Nowadays, few people think in
terms of families being blessed or cursed although in most
families, habits and attitudes can cross generations, bringing good fortune
Families include feelings, emotions and
rules as well as people. Families are strongly affected by pleasures,
pains and perceptions of justice. A common curse is criticism.
Family Psyche ... Family Karma
The exclusion of one or more family members may not
only hurt and humiliate those being rejected. Other members of a
family, perhaps in the next generation, often try to "bring back"
missing family members, sometimes by adoption, marriage, or more often by
expressing the emotions and feelings of the missing members.
Some families seem plagued by repeating consistent
patterns of broken marriages, addictions, suicide and disease.
In 'Planetary Threads' Lynn Bell describes how attitudes and
experiences may be embedded in a family psyche.
These attitudes can affect generations, often
emerging when each family member reaches the age at which his or
her predecessors themselves re-enacted an older story. (Some family
therapists call this "an anniversary syndrome").
We help people explore and change how family events
affect their physical and emotional health; how disease,
deaths, accidents or loss seem to be repeated in each
generation. We offer opportunities to understand
themselves as well as their families.
You can prevent unpleasant events and tragedies being
repeated by your children - and by their children. You can end
and prevent cross-generational family entanglements.
Medical Doctor's Perspective .
Ancient Greek myths about family
blessings and curses show consistent features.
- A person is blessed by a god.
- The person rejects the conditions imposed by
the god, including the humility appropriate to the blessing (hubris).
- The blessing is abused and becomes an abuse of
divinity, an abuse of one's own soul ... and abuse of one's own children.
In a Greek myth, Laius raped a
youth, and later exposed his own son to die.
Tantalus cooked his son as a
meal for the gods. His other sons, Atreus
and Thyestes, destroyed their
own children. Agamemnon sacrificed his
daughter to win the Trojan War.
Each generation of this family abused or killed a child.
- The person abuses a child - symbolically (abuse of
creative potential) or literally. (Child abuse within families often
has repercussions over many generations)
- The descendents who inherit the blessing/curse can
atone by accepting punishment, but do not, which strengthens the
blessing/curse for the next generation.
- The family is warned about the consequences, but
the warning is deliberately misunderstood or rejected. (Attempts to
avoid the curse fulfill the curse.)
Families are systems - following systemic rules.
People not only inherit their ancestors' genetic blueprints, they
also bond to deep (often unstated) beliefs, attitudes and values.
It is difficult for children, even as adults, to
liberate themselves from their ancestors' entanglements. Such
liberation may mean:
- attempting to break free of their
- emotional separating themselves from one or
- struggling with guilt of turning against or
abandoning a parent
- coming to terms with their anger about
injustices they experienced
- the unrequited longing for a love they never
had and will probably never have
alcoholism or depression may cross generations, becoming alcoholic or
depressed because is more than DNA. Whether the means of inheritance is
physical, cognitive, emotional, something seems to pass down the
generations - something that appears to follow rules.
For us, family blessings and curses are
sets of rules about behaviors which people can explore and change.
Identifying and changing family rules is part of our everyday work.
Dissolve Family Secrets
Family curses and family blessings are embedded
in family secrets. People do seem to receive and transmit intergenerational
conflicts. While family curses may seem to be imposed on innocent children,
family curses are usually opportunities to redeem something
wonderful which was abused through arrogance, stupidity or ignorance.
When patterns from the past motivate us to
compulsively shape our
futures, we solve nothing by passively anticipating disaster nor by
pretending to be exempt. You can consciously separate from your family
psyche, emerging as an individual - lonely, unique and
attuned to the needs of your own soul.
Identification with a family is rarely an
intelligent option. There is little room for naivety or arrogance
with family ghosts. Reflect on the past carefully, for you are
a medium for your family's psyche and a vessel for
life that was denied or abused.
Most remedial approaches deal only with symptoms, and not with
systemic roots. Following such interventions, the system renews the
symptom or creates another, continuing to express the dysfunction.
People can be ill from the same illness repetitively, or from
successive similar diseases. Martyn's systemic coaching resolves
fundamental imbalances; until symptoms spontaneously disappear.
Rooted in relationships are: physical illnesses,
compulsive-addictive behavior, mental blocks and repetitive life
crises. Ana Pejcinova, PhD
Soulwork for Families
Most human behavior is influenced and maintained by the way
people communicate. We help individual people,
couples or whole families change.
- How close are your family members now?
- What do you want your family to do together?
- How do you want to improve family happiness?
- What could stop you being happy together?
- What would empower all family members?
Exploring these questions allows you and your family to
re-evaluate the situation. The questions may seem one-dimensional
and simple ... yet your answers to these questions will likely be
multi-dimensional and profound.
Coaching Teenagers .
Coaching Young Adults .
Coaching Older Clients
Soulwork Systemic Coaching
To change family behavior, first perceive all family problems and
resources as aspects of family relationships. Avoid blaming anybody. Create
opportunities for shared responsibility. Develop self-esteem and
healthy relationship skills.
Contact us to change relationship
habits and heal emotional baggage.
The effects are immediate - and
unfold over generations.
Online Coaching, Relationship Counseling & Systemic Therapy
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Martyn Carruthers 2003-2018
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