Few recovery programs work. Their effects don't last. Changing thoughts
and behaviors is not enough. Willpower and programming
are often inadequate. Psychoactive drugs often delay relapses. How can you move on?
Who is the "I" that is You?
We help people manage emotional problems by
abuse & trauma,
entanglements. We help people
find, recover and integrate themselves!
Emotional Blocks & Identity Loss
Identity loss is not identity theft. During
identity loss, people lose access to their talents and qualities.
Instead, they may habitually react in robot-like ways,
often with negative emotions and relationship problems.
Solving relationship problems can be challenging. Following
our research into systemic psychology, we labeled some common
emotional problems in different ways to current psychological
models, focusing on how people lose access to a personal
sense of identity. These are:
- Lost identity - dissociated behavior, little
sense of self
- Identity bonds - behavior is bonded by
- Identification with another person (conscious
- Identity conflict - simultaneous identification
with two or more other people
Lost identity refers to chronic dissociation (imagine a
professor deeply engaged in solving a complex problem) and identity
bonds refer to deep hardly-conscious beliefs. Identification
refers to the unconscious acceptance of a dominant personality (think -
"possessed") and identity conflict refers to chronic bi-polar behavior
or mood swings (think of classical ideas of "split personality").
Some indications of identity loss include:
- Emotional outbursts
- Impulsive desire to retaliate
- Chronic conflict or self-sabotage
- Intense verbal or non-verbal communication
- Dissociation or withdrawal from relationships
- Age regression (behaves like an emotional child)
Other factors that may trigger strong negative emotions include:
- Stress, fatigue & overwork
- Drugs, medications, food sensitivities & allergies
- Loss, or threat of loss, of important
relationships or possessions
- Untreated diseases or physiology changes
(e.g. weight gain or loss)
Whatever the causes of emotional outbursts, maintaining healthy
relationships can be challenging. Changes in one member of a
family or team often trigger emotional reactions in other members.
Emotional responses include threat avoidance, denial and systemic issues.
- Ego: One's value or contributions are belittled
- Success: If a success seems dangerous, sabotage
- Imminent danger: Perceived danger in the
- Loss: Something may be lost: relationships,
things, power, recognition, etc
- Environment: Risk of being displaced be
removed from one's environment
- Position: Membership of an important group
(organizations etc) is threatened
- Denial: Pretending that a problem does not exist
- Blame: Recognizing a problem but avoiding responsibility
- Flight: Physically or emotionally distancing
from a problem
- Excuses: Recognizing a problem but denying
responsibility for it
- Minimizing: Acknowledging a problem but refusing
to see its severity
- Avoiding: Changing discussions or thoughts to avoid
Do you act as if you are partially identified? Do you feel
normal, just and right, even when expressing negative emotions in ways
that people consider abnormal? Have you identified with someone?
I often felt that somebody was
inside me or close to me that somehow directed my behavior. This sense
of guidance and protection felt like an older brother ...
but my brother died before I was born ... Mexico
An identified person feels most intensely when expressing the
unexpressed emotions of a role model. These emotional expressions
may come as a massive relief, although perhaps with awareness of
unpleasant consequences to come. Do you feel "right in a
- A person identified with a hero expresses chronic fear or anxiety
- A person identified with a victim expresses chronic anger or rage
- A person identified with a dead person expresses chronic melancholy
You said that my symptoms indicated
that I might have "identified with" a dead person ... yes, my
dead grandpa felt totally "me" - he felt more me than myself.
. Consequences of Abortion
. Learning Disabilities
4) Identity Conflict
Do you suffer inner conflict? If you have identity conflict,
you may feel normal, just and right, even when jumping back and forth between
two parts or sub-personalities. (Part of me wants to but
part of me doesn't).
If you have identity conflict, you may feel that life is conflict.
You may want many simultaneous tasks. If you make decisions or promises
in one mood, you may forget or deny those decisions or promises in another mood.
- You cannot focus on one thing for more than a few minutes
- You shows profound mood swings between two personalities
- You may forget or deny promises or decisions made in the
The symptoms are so common that they may be difficult
to perceive. Severe mood swings (between the two "sides" of
the conflict) may be diagnosed as bipolar disorder (manic-depression),
as intermittent anxiety disorders or something else.
I thought that my emotional problems were caused by my
My therapist said that my emotions were from a past life. You never agreed
nor disagreed with either point of view, you just helped me solve my problems London
In a simple conflict, two sub-personalities (parts)
may simultaneously express different motivations, the most obvious being
shown by incongruence between verbal and non-verbal behavior. Complex
conflict refers to conflicts that have many simultaneous motivations
(although only two motivations (or personalities) may be simultaneously
displayed). (See transcript:
Resolve Complex Conflict)
5) Lost Identity
I was empty of emotion.
My work and family life felt robotic.
I had few personal goals, and I followed
other people's directions.
I was told that my emptiness
indicated spiritual development. It did not!
Do you stay in unpleasant relationships
due to unpleasant beliefs?
Contact us to manage negative emotions and solve
Online Coaching, Counseling & Soulwork Therapy
I thought you were just
another therapist - but you were not just. Not even. Not only.
Plagiarism is theft. Copyright
© Martyn Carruthers 2001-2018
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