Your early family relationships are the most
influential relationships of your life.
Confusion in those early relationships can lead to confusion throughout life.
Contact us for help resolving emotional and relationship issues.
Go to: Emotional Incest
Solutions (Part 2)
Covert emotional incest begins when a family member
or responds to another family member as a substitute for a partner.
We help people resolve emotional incest, and remedy other child abuse.
Children raised as special do not forget it. Love may not be
enough ... they often demand devotion. If their need to be special
is threatened, they may feel that life is not worth living. They may seek substitutes for parents ... as partners. They may fall in love
with people who have qualities that a parent had - or lacked. They may become irrational
if or when a substitute parent withdraws or threatens to leave.
boyfriend (38) told me that he could never marry me
because he has all the love he needs from his mother
(who treats him like her husband). I was angry and he just went home
to live with his mother. Los Angeles
If you cannot ask for help or advice - even
when lost in a strange city,
you are unlikely to ask us for guidance even when lost in life.
Warning for Therapists & Counselors
Have you specialized in your
own issues? If we help you resolve those issues, you may lose motivation
to help other people with those issues.
I was known for helping
depressed middle-aged women cope with their lives.
But since our sessions, I can't hardly tolerate such women
... I enjoy being with
dynamic people! I now coach small business owners to expand!
Covert Emotional Incest & Identity Loss
Covert emotional incest causes obsessions, compulsions and many emotion-driven behaviors, including:
- Identification: You express another person's emotions
- Inner Child: Some part of you is split-off - you can be childish
- Identity Conflict: You swing between extremes - you
live in conflict
- Lost Identity: You cannot express yourself - your
life lacks meaning
- Relationship Bonds: You are
bonded to someone - you are dependent
Emotional incest may accompany
Parental Alienation, in which
(in the mind of a child) a parent hates or alienates the other parent.
Often, such toxic beliefs are taboo - taboo beliefs can rarely be
changed or even considered without help.
Covert emotional incest spans generations ... there is no one person who
It usually reflects chains of suffering going back many generations.
Solve Emotional Problems
Did a parent try to partner you?
Do you cling to fantasies and avoid responsibility (act like a child) or
become super-responsible (act like a parent) ... or both? If your parents
included you in their fights and fantasies, you may be enmeshed in their drama.
Do you strive to fulfill a parent's unfulfilled desires?
If so - you may be diagnosed as having
and/or depression. If you try to fulfill both
parents' conflicting desires. your life may include
My husband is a mature man half the time -
but he acts like an aggressive child after visiting his mother. When he
is mature - life is good ... but a few hours with his mother and he becomes an
irresponsible, conceited little boy!
If you try to carry ancestral emotional baggage, you
will fail. You may find yourself in crisis, depression,
obsessions or addictions. Worse, your children will copy you.
I researched the
healing used by native Hawaiian healers.
Some referred to ele'ele eke (black bags) of emotions held in
the body which cause disease and are difficult to heal except through
ho'oponopono - a
traditional Hawaiian ritual. Martyn
Parents who Abuse Children
Some parents are abusive and manipulative, yet they usually claim good intentions.
They often say that they're doing the best that they know how to do.
My husband was a case of arrested
development which made him easy to control. Since your sessions, he is taking
more responsibility, but now my teenage son is angrily trying to be the
"irresponsible one" in our family. New Mexico
Good intentions can have bad consequences. If a lonely
parent loves a child as a substitute for a friend or partner,
emotional chaos will follow. The consequences of this abuse includes destructive relationship habits:
- expressing contempt and conceit
- testing people's acceptance of them
- expressing anger, rejection and emotional chaos
- showing inappropriate affection and inappropriate rejection
Father-bonded women or mother-bonded men may only relate
well with other bonded adults. They may find themselves
only falling in love with or sexually excited by immature or irresponsible
people whom they neither like nor trust ... or they may desperately seek
who will parent them.
Solutions for Transferences & Negative Emotions
Transferences motivate fixated and addictive relationships. Affected people may suffer negative emotions and relationship problems. They may say, "I don't know
what love is". For more on this, see
and father-daughter entanglements.
When transferences fail - as they must, being lies -
may seek distractions or drugs to avoid depression. We can
help you resolve emotional and relationship problems.
Go to Emotional Incest
Online Help: Coaching, Counseling &
I thought you were just
another therapist - but you were not just. Not even. Not only.
Plagiarism is theft. Copyright © Martyn Carruthers
All rights reserved.