Are your emotions appropriate for what is happening now? Or are they left over
from earlier dramas - perhaps from when you were 4 or 14 years old? Or are they
"other people's" emotions that you are expressing for them?
Emotional problems refers to unpleasant feelings,
attitudes, habits and beliefs ... and their consequences.
The perception of a nuclear family of parents and
children seems sadly outdated for solving family problems. Extended
family relationships, particularly between siblings, their parents
and their grandparents, impact the entire family and future generations.
Your emotions reflect your relationships.
Medications are unlikely to improve relationships!
We help people explore their emotions and improve their
relationships. Emotional problems often reflect ancestral values, relationship
bonds, beliefs and attitudes.
We help people
Pandora's Boxes, untangle their emotional problems
and sort out any family secrets. We help people change limiting beliefs,
heal unpleasant emotions and end unwanted habits.
History is what happened -
emotional baggage is what you carry.
Healthy perceptions of parents, grandparents and extended family
support emotional health. Even with the rise of marital instability and family
dislocation, we help people manage emotional problems and improve relationships.
Your parents probably did the best they knew
how to do, and probably tried to give you whatever they lacked
when they were young - whether you wanted it or not.
Most healthy people know what they want, they how they feel and why they feel
that way. They solve problems quickly. They have similar challenges
as unhappy people - but healthy people
move on faster. Few healthy people sabotage themselves.
Emotional problems can hurt you and the
people you love. Relationship problems with parents, grandparents,
etc, can cause suffering, and damage your ability to enjoy life.
Examples of Ancestral Baggage
You identify with an ancestor
You express an ancestor's prejudices
You depend on an ancestor who depends on
You believe something to feel connected
to an ancestor
You perceive someone as if a person was an ancestor
You feel bad because an ancestor betrayed someone
Are you confused by negative emotions or bad habits?
Contact us to free yourself from confusion and self-sabotage.
Even though your relationship habits may be obvious to others, you
may not recognize your own issues. You may lose innocence when you understand what
you are doing - often to survive - and how you tolerate unhealthy relationships.
Most people protect themselves from thoughts that
they can't understand and feelings that they canít assimilate.
For example, in a relationship with an opposite-sex parent, an
awareness of covert emotional incest could damage that relationship. (If
this is you - I expect you to have a few unpleasant thoughts and feelings, and
then to quickly forget both this paragraph and your feelings).
For example, many
men who are bonded to their mothers, and
women who are enmeshed with their fathers, will
avoid even considering whether or not they are enmeshed! Such people often deny this, even when there is massive evidence and horrible
consequences. The ice is too thin and the water is too cold!
Feeling connected to important
people (e.g. parents or partners) may be more important than the unpleasant
consequences of those feelings. Some entangled adults feel special or
chosen - not fully aware that other people are also human
Normal does not mean Healthy
Many people want normal relationships. But what does normal mean?
Normal relationships can be horribly unhealthy. It is normal for some
mothers to over-love their sons. It is normal
for some fathers to devote themselves to their daughters. It is normal
for many people to fantasize sexual affairs with past partners ... but hardly
Are you normal? Do you sometimes pretend
to be a child? Do you sometimes parent another adult? Do you
sometimes play victimizer, victim or rescuer roles? These
role-playing games can be intense ... and have
high stakes. You bet your life.
Some families, cults and paramilitary organizations enmesh people to
better manipulate them. There are rules, but the
important rules may be taboo. If it is against the rules
to talk about the rules ... you may be punished for asking!
Common Signs of Emotional Baggage
|Don't say what they mean
||Don't take themselves seriously
||Claims nothing is their fault
||Cannot say "No"
|Don't mean what they say
||Tells people not to take them seriously
||Claims everything is their fault
||Cannot say "Yes"
|Chronic emotional displays
||Act as if they are very special
||Avoid talking about themselves
||Lies, protects and covers up for people
|Cannot end a relationship
||Cannot define their own goals
||Cannot stop talking
||Talks in self-critical, or hostile ways
Only say what provokes people
Only express opinions when people agree
Claim to sacrifice their happiness for others
Cannot express emotions appropriately
Hints of sexual invitations can cause powerful
reactions. Consider marketing - have you noticed how pretty women
are used to sell almost anything? Many people offer sexual
intimacy in return for some benefit - often feeling contempt for their partners.
Are you Sexually Enmeshed?
- Do you withdraw from your partner?
- Do you suffer sex when you feel bad?
- Can you ask for what you want in bed?
- Does sex feel robotic?
- Have you lost interest in sex?
- Do you consider sexual affairs?
Don't Recycle Emotional Baggage ... Deal with it!
Entangled adults may behave in
immature (childish), or overly protective
(parental) ways. It's a small step from protection to control - from
mothering to smothering.
The consequences of
relationship problems often worsen over time, causing relationships to
descend towards symbiosis and then codependence. Your ability to deal
with emotional baggage reflects your maturity!
Contact us to find solutions for
end self-sabotage and enjoy mature relationships.
Online Help for Emotional Problems
I thought you were just
another therapist - but you were not just. Not even. Not only.
Plagiarism is theft.
Copyright © Martyn Carruthers 2010-2018
All rights reserved.