Do you want to solve
emotional issues and relationship problems?
We help people sort out divorces and other family
Everybody needs help sometimes.
Online Coaching & Counseling for Divorcing Parents
During separation and divorce, some partners ignore their children, or use them to hurt or manipulate each other
(parental alienation and
child abuse). They may use their children as
bargaining chips as they divide assets. If so, they may burden children
with learning disabilities, emotional issues and (future) relationship problems.
Some couples say that they stay together for
the benefit of their children, which often hides emotional problems and financial
concerns. If a couple announce this lie to their family, or if they
convince their children that the children are the reason for their unhappiness, one or more children may respond with
Divorce and Your Children
How will divorce affect your children? Your children may feel
abandoned by a parent, show anger to whomever they blame most, feel sadness
about what they lose, and feel guilt for having to choose
between parents. Depending on your attitude,
they will express or hide their emotions about losing their home or family.
The emotions that they hide may emerge later as emotional disorders or learning disabilities.
Few children want to leave their friends and move to a
different home. If their desires are ignored, they may feel humiliated,
with lowered sense of self worth. They may feel guilt and self hatred if
they were told that they somehow caused the divorce. Much depends on the maturity
of the parents and the support from the extended family.
It is tragic when immature parents reject their
children, due to jealousy, disinterest or some other reason. This
sometimes happens during divorce, especially following parental alienation. Such
children often repeat their
parents' drama later in life.
Emotional Incest .
. Parent Coaching
. Coaching Children
Many parents favor special children.
Often a father favors the youngest daughter
Princess), while a mother may prefer the eldest son
During a marital separation or divorce, a favored child may react more
than the other children - perhaps believing that he or she
somehow caused the separation.
We can help each partner clarify their own emotions, for example anger, sadness, fear and guilt.
can help each partner stay mature and resourceful. If they do not,
the children will may take the parent's hidden emotions upon
(If the couple owns a business, employees may be enmeshed into a conflict of
allegiance, and staff may feel and act like confused children. Our corporate
coaching can help clarify and heal such staff infections.)
We help parents prevent or alleviate many toxic situations:
- If a parent acts guilty, children may try to
express the parent's guilt
- If a parent acts like a failure, children
may respond with chronic fear
- If a parent acts resourceless, children may try to
grow up too quickly
- If a parent acts like a victim, children may
respond with chronic anger
- If a parent make children take sides,
children may respond with conflict
- If a parent is dead or missing, children
may respond with chronic sadness
Help children communicate to both parents - regardless of circumstances.
Otherwise children can develop emotional scars that they may carry for
years. Hurt children will likely fight against their parents' separation,
attempt to sabotage their parents' new relationships, and strive to leave
their parents' homes.
Learning Disabilities .
. Parental Alienation
As you support your children - who
supports you? Can you build relationships
based on strength and courage rather than on dependence. perhaps we can help
single parent coaching
or child coaching?
Separation & Divorce Coaching
We usually suggest that both parents have individual coaching
first, to manage individual emotional issues, and then sessions together, to
manage partnership issues. We do not take sides - we coach
both partners understand, appreciate and accept each other's perspectives,
motivations and goals. Some guidelines are:
1. Respect the other parent
Following separation, parents may stop acting like partners
and their only mutual project may be to co-parent their
children. Talk to your children about a former partner with
respect - and praise whatever can be praised, even if - or especially
if - the other parent is missing, alcoholic, dead or hates you.
Each child is 50% of their other parent. If you reject your
child's other parent - you reject half of your child!
2. Love your children
Your children may feel unloved and forgotten during
separation and divorce. Express love to them, regardless of whether they are
well behaved, have tidy bedrooms or eat their broccoli.
(Most children spell LOVE as T-I-M-E)! Ask your children HOW they want to
spend their time and what increases their feelings of wellbeing and happiness.
3. Your children need both of you
Many children of divorce feel forced to take sides
between Mom and Dad. Sometimes one parent may incite a child to hate the other
Syndrome or PAS). Instead, repeatedly reassure your children that they do
not have to choose one parent as being in any way better than the other.
4. Do not blame children
Immature parents may blame their children for their own lack of
parenting skills. If your children come to believe that they caused
your marriage to break up, they may try to
keep you and your partner together - perhaps by learning
disabilities or disease. Explain to your children, repeatedly that your separation is not their
fault - and that they cannot bring Mom and Dad back together. See
5. Fight fair! Fight away from your children
Divorce is an intense time. Avoid fighting anywhere near your
children - or any children. Organize a time and place, away from the
children, that is convenient for both parents to discuss and resolve
conflicts. If a fight erupts, reschedule your meeting.
6. Minimize change
Although divorce will create many changes for
your children, continuity is important. Make your children's environment
as familiar as possible, including their favorite things, photographs, toys,
blankets, etc. Create home in each place that your children stay.
7. Encourage meetings
Discuss how your children can have maximum benefit and happiness
when they are with the other parent. Avoid asking children to deliver
messages, to spy for you or to obtain information from an ex-partner.
8. Get mature support
Divorce is a difficult time for everybody. Parents
need mature emotional support from family, friends, relationship
coaches, clergy, etc. Avoid asking your children to support or guide
you - or the other parent. Guide and support your children.
9. Talk about feelings
During stressful times your children may may misbehave, they may act much younger or they may
try to grow up quickly and act overly mature. Ask your children how they feel,
and what they think or imagine is going on. Help your children express THEIR
negative emotions. Please don't complain to them about your feelings!
10. Remain mature
Avoid asking children - even teenagers and young adults - for advice about
your partnership, or about financial, custody or legal issues. Reassure your
children that your decisions are for their best interest. Assure older children that although final decisions will be made by their parents,
that their opinions
are important and will be considered.
Contact us to solve relationship problems and negative
We also help new partners co-parent and merge their blended families.
Online Coaching, Counseling & Soulwork Therapy
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