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The Relationship Coaching Institute

When Disease Makes Sense

Telephone Coaching

Teresa Mocna

In 1998, I attended a course on Systemic Coaching, presented by Martyn Carruthers (Canada). I have since become a graduate and practitioner of this method.

When training, Martyn continually demonstrates what he teaches, giving many examples and supervising many exercises, so that we can discover what is valuable in our own lives.

However, his articles reflect his technical background. He tends to condense huge amounts of information into few words.

In his article Accelerated Healing, he wrote, "I interviewed people who had spontaneous remissions from serious disease, and hypnotically investigated their healing. Many times, in many ways, I heard people say, "The disease became my friend", or "The pain became my teacher". It seemed that a person could create a disease to obtain important benefits, and if a disease was fully acknowledged and the benefits found in more enjoyable ways, the disease (symptoms) might spontaneously vanish."

I started using Soulwork with my therapy clients and witnessed these "vanishing symptoms" many times, with physical, mental and emotional disease symptoms. It is like magic! So let's unzip that paragraph! I will state Martyn's key points and elaborate them with my experience:

  1. A person can spontaneously heal disease
  2. A disease can become a friendly teacher
  3. A person can create disease to obtain important benefits
  4. Disease benefits can be found in more enjoyable ways
  5. A disease might vanish (if the benefits are maintained)

1. People can spontaneously heal disease

Some people take medicine without a cure and others take no medicine and a disease disappears. What is the difference? Martyn's articles explore this question in depth!

2. A disease can become a friendly teacher

When I am sick, I am careful to minimize pain and prolong periods of feeling good. In this way, pain, and the absence of pain, strongly guide my behavior. Often a disease "makes" me do what needs to be done - whether or not what "needs to be done" is comfortable.

3. A person can create disease to provide important benefits

What can be the benefits of a painful and debilitating disease?

I carefully observed disease in my friends, my clients and myself, and found two groups of benefits. There are benefits for the person, and benefits for the person's relationships. Each benefit gains something important - or avoids something that was not wanted.

Here are examples of benefits! When sick, we:

  • can take time to rest;

  • can have time with important people;

  • can understand an important person;

  • can understand something important for development;

  • can start being empathic - instead of being critical of people;

  • can start being careful (instead of making accidents);

  • can start to REALIZE deep desires;

  • may have time to complete a project.

We can also use a disease to AVOID something:

  • avoid disliked work;

  • avoid meeting people about whom we feel guilt;

  • avoid the exhaustion of hard work.

And, some examples of my relationship benefits! When we are sick:

  • Maybe someone will treat us like children;

  • Maybe someone will fulfill our responsibilities;

  • Maybe our family will stay together.

Some of these examples may seem manipulative, but if we investigate them, we can see that a sick person is often connected with other people in such a way, that the other people also participate in their sickness. (Other people may have their own, often opposite, benefits. For example "She only accepts my love when she is sick!")

4. Disease benefits can be found in more enjoyable ways

When we recognize the special benefits gained through disease, we can discover that these special benefits can be found IN OTHER WAYS! This can be a turning point for disease! Why suffer, when we see happier ways to fulfill a wish?

If we know the benefits of a disease, we can discover more enjoyable ways to have this benefit and we can learn to use this new way in everyday life! What remains to be done? Accept a disease? For what?

Here is the second turning point for healing. Assume that some part of you, in the wisest way it could, chose the disease to provide a benefit. All earlier work without accepting a disease, would be like saying, "I enjoy the benefits, and thanks for them, but the way I get these benefits is stupid!"

Accepting disease means that we honor ALL our ways to develop, all our aspects; even those that may seem stupid! In this moment, our door to integrity is open. A disease can show us the way! We are ready to integrate!

5. A disease might vanish

Other people have healed disease - why not you? To Accelerate Healing you can:

  1. Acknowledge your disease - as a way to accept part of yourself!

  2. Recognize the benefits of your disease

  3. Find supportive, creative, enjoyable ways of reaching these benefits

  4. Learn how to use these new ways everyday (what kind of abilities, different emotions, beliefs, things you need? All this work is done in Soulwork very quickly!)

  5. Make adult decisions about obtaining the benefit (you may use the disease to remind yourself to enrich this benefit in the future!)

Sometimes the benefits are not so obvious - a common example is a disease that confirms your position in a family tradition (this is often called "genetic disease")! While you are alive - you have choice! You can sort out the benefits by yourself, with your friends or with a trained Soulwork Coach.

If you email me, I will read your letters carefully. I recommend that you attend a Relationship Coaching course, which are presented around the world.

Blessings to you!

Teresa Mocna, MA (Therapist and Soulwork graduate)

Do you want relationship coaching or systemic coach training? Do you want to coach people to resolve emotional and relationship challenges?


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Workshop

Systemic Coach Training  (Calendar)

Systems 1 How to evaluate relationship dynamics and recognize common entanglements
Systems 2 How to define life goals, identify blocks, resolve objections & plan for success
Systems 3 How to provide or continue goalwork using interactive metaphors and Dreamwork
Systems 4 How to dissolve the consequences of abuse and trauma, and rebuild motivation
Systems 5 How to change limiting beliefs and codependence for emotional freedom
Systems 6 How to recognize and resolve identity loss: recover lost qualities and lost skills
Systems 7 How to resolve therapist or spiritual damage and provide inspirational mentorship
Systems 8 How to coach partners to build lasting happiness and avoid partnership breakdown
Systems 9 How to coach parents to resolve family problems and to set and enjoy family goals
Systems 10 How to coach team leaders to develop teams while solving team problems
Specialty Advanced workshops and specialty training tailored to fulfill your goals and needs

Copyright © Martyn Carruthers 1996-2009 All rights reserved. These Systemic Solutions were primarily developed by Martyn Carruthers. We coach and train people to succeed by solving emotional and relationship problems. This information is for your general knowledge only. Please consult a physician about medical conditions and before changing any medical treatment. Link to our pages, but get Martyn's written permission to post or publish his work.

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