Relationship alienation hurts families and damages children.
Reconnecting After Cutting Off
Have you ever rejected a family member - or were you ever
We help people who feel abandoned, estranged or "cut-off".
And we help people who have alienated family members.
For many families, harmony seems an impossible dream.
Wouldn’t life be so much better if your family was more like those happy
families you see on television? Then everybody could feel connected.
It doesn't look so difficult - why isn't it normal?
Television shows do not include real family issues.
Marriage difficulties, children's
problems, job challenges, home chores, school issues, in-laws, medical
issues and children's moods are all parts of real family life.
For many people, real family life also includes divorce, alcohol,
mental illness, poverty or abuse. Most children want to enjoy their family relationships,
yet as they grow older, many will walk away from their families and rarely look back.
Healthy or Unhealthy?
Unhealthy relationship ideas are often promoted as normal and
desirable in children's stories, television shows, marketing strategies and song lyrics. Do
you cling to beliefs such as, "If I love this person enough - he or she will
change in the ways I want?
Do you feel alienated by some family
members? Have some relatives stopped talking to you? If you have been
estranged, you may feel grief and emotional pain, you may shut down your
emotions or you may strive to cut your connections to them.
Understanding why relatives avoid or ignore you
rarely mends the relationships nor eases the pain. As reasons, apologies and excuses don't seem to help, here are some ways that you can
- Let go! Don't try to control people who reject you. Avoid trying to influence
or change your family members. Rather, focus on your own life and your own goals.
- Grieve! Grief is healthy if someone we care about
stops communicating (e.g. death, divorce, rejection or abandonment). Feel
your pain and own your sadness.
- Write letters you won’t send! Write what you want to
say while honoring your relatives' desire to avoid communicating with you.
- Talk about it! We have huge experience helping people through
emotional and relationship problems.
Doing the Work
You need not feel alone. If you were rejected and abandoned by
people you love - you can choose to grow and mature from these experiences. Do you
symbolize something that your family does not want to heal?
One of us can walk with you through this.
Being loved for who you are is one of
life's pleasures. Being loved only for what you provide may feel
While you may try to hide in fantasies, illusions and projections - they tend to be short term.
But even as your dreams of a happy family fade, your can choose to remain interested in their
We help people manage and change all kinds of issues,
yet some people don't want to work, they don't want to change,
and they may seek substitute "parents" to fix their problems for them.
What type of relationships do you want? Healthy relationships feel fulfilling while unhealthy relationships often
feel dramatic. For many people, drama is so normal that healthy relationships
boring. Yet unhealthy relationships can damage lives.
My husband complains that
he has no friends but he pushes people away
... I mean good people ... and he expects me to fill all the
his life where his friends should be. London
Many people sacrifice their goals and dreams to please the demands of their
family members. Although some relationship problems are common and the
well known; many intelligent people continue toxic relationships.
- Does a relationship make you feel physically ill?
- Do you want to fall out of love - to STOP
- Are you fatigued, angry or anxious
about your relationships?
- Do you need medications, alcohol or
drugs to stay in a relationship?
- Do you worry about when it might be safe to talk
to a family member?
You helped me realize that
used drugs to avoid conflicts!
After you showed me how to manage my emotions,
I had no need to medicate myself.
Addictive relationships often fulfill a goal of “I do not
want to be me!”. Perhaps you want to not-feel
difficult emotions. We help people manage their emotions and
solve relationship problems. But the longer
you leave them - the harder it gets.
Ending Relationship Addictions
How strongly are your relationship decisions influenced by:
- Addictions: e.g. "I cannot survive without this person"
- Beliefs e.g. "I'm not good enough" or "I can save this person"
- Practicalities e.g. "Without this relationship I will be homeless"
- Transferences: e.g. "My partner acts more like a parent (or a
- Philosophies e.g. "True love should be forever," or "Being alone is
If you try to fight such relationship habits and addictions,
you may make them stronger. You may feel that you have no choice and that you cannot set
healthy limits. If you want help, we can help you:
- Set healthy boundaries
- Learn healthy relationship skills
- Develop your peaceful understanding
- Focus on your own desires, goals and challenges
- Change beliefs that cause you to feel unworthy of happiness
- End destructive games: avoid being a helper, a
victimizer or a victim
can help you dissolve obsessions and compulsions, and our couple coaching
helps partners understand each other and
make changes that both partners want.
Do you want to manage your emotions and solve relationship
Online Coaching, Counseling & Soulwork Therapy
I thought you were just
another therapist - but you were not just. Not even. Not only.
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© Martyn Carruthers 2012-2017 All rights reserved