We encourage you to make decisions - and
we do not make decisions for you.
We encourage you to see other points of view - and we do not take sides.
We support your choices - and we do not pressure you to change.
the longest journey is the distance between two partners!
Do you want to resolve emotional and relationship problems? We
couples to create healthier relationships and we help people sort out their
The sense-of-life inherent
in our work reflects our models for healthy relationships.
We help people explore, define and achieve what they really want.
|What we ask
1. What do you want
in a relationship?
We assess your goals, nonverbal signals,
entanglements and bonds, trauma, abuse, coaching plans and relationship
2. How do you want to
get what you want?
3. How will you test that
you got what you wanted?
Your answers to such questions may provide insights. Where are you now, where do you want to go together and
how do you both want to get there ...
When we help couples, families or teams, we prefer
simultaneous coaching. We don't just counsel two or more people at the same time
- we coach people to coach each other! We strive to make our clients independent
If a partner says that he or she feels unpleasant - we ask about the nature
of the feelings and their causes. Are the feelings existential (all the time in
any context) or only sometimes in some contexts (e.g. overwork) - or triggered
by some stimulus.
We often help each partner manage individual issues (such as chronic
emotions, habits or obsessions) before beginning our
couple counseling. You have many possible futures - and no matter which path
you choose, we can coach you to change your fears, anger and unwanted habits.
People who recreate their childhood disappointments in their
may have associated love and care with unhealthy parental behavior.
How do you feel about your relationship?
If we ask this to one partner alone, and again with the other partner
listening - we will probably hear quite different answers. Here are some common possibilities ...
- If both partners feel well about their
partnership, we can help them increase their
pleasure and enjoyment. We help them build resourceful
states that they may need later during conflicts and
- If one partner feels dissatisfied and the other is
satisfied, we can help both partners better understand each other and to solve individual issues. This can lead to both feeling well, or
to both wanting to change their relationship habits.
- If both partners feel badly about their
partnership, we can help them examine and manage any current
crisis and evaluate their partnership. This often requires individual work with both partners,
and then couple work to sort out problems.
Evaluate your Relationship
Relationship in Crisis
|Partners often show
gratitude to each other
|One or both are often
dissociated, irritated, depressed, critical or show contempt
to most verbal and nonverbal communications
||One or both ignore,
shorten most communications
events in their history
review their relationship history
|Partners greet after time
apart and ask about each other's activities and other news
||They rarely interact when
without even silent intimacy
|Partners enjoy meeting
each other's needs for passion, intimacy and commitment
||One or both often ignore or
the other's goals and needs
|Partners discuss goals
and dreams, finding shared values and creating shared meanings.
||They rarely discuss
|Partners often go out
||They generally prefer
to go out alone
|Partners create projects
which require committed cooperation
||One or both often avoid,
give small attention to shared projects
|They wish to stay together
to enjoy sharing partnership and parenthood happiness
||One or both want to
separate but cannot because of guilt, fear or constraints
|They respect most of each
other's choices and decisions, and politely discuss differences
||One or both show contempt
for the other's decisions and angrily demand changes
|Partners want happiness
||One or both prefer
- The ratio of positive to negative comments in
successful relationships is about 5:1, and in unsuccessful
relationships it is often below 1:1 (Gottman 1999)
- Successful couples learn to create passion, intimacy
and commitment (Sternberg 1986)
- Couples who argue more than they make love are likely
to separate (Howard & Dawes 1976)
- Many couples stay together because of bonds
- not because of love (Carruthers 1996)
To assist couples to develop patience, tolerance and gratitude,
we can explain things in optimistic ways (Cameron-Bandler,
1985) as we identify the behaviors each person dislikes in their partner. Then
- Explore "What causes them to behave in this way?"
and "What goals are they trying to reach?"
- Explore "Would they behave differently towards each other, if
they knew the circumstances or goals that trigger their behaviors?"
- Explore "Do they like or dislike the qualities that they
perceive in each other?"
- Explore "What qualities do they most enjoy with
their partners?" and "How can they express those qualities
when their partners behave in ways they dislike?"
Do they believe that only their partners initiate
We help people resolve their inner conflicts, and understand that conflicts are
more often parts of normal partnerships, rather than issues of manipulation
or control. See Reconciliation.
Of all the damages people inflict upon each
other, few are so hard to solve
as those caused by beliefs such as, "He/she only did that to
Since our last session, one of my longtime
wishes has come to fruition. I am in love with my husband in a way that
I never thought was really possible. I hoped that it was a dream that could come
true but I had very little faith that it would. Philadelphia
Were you ever trained in mature partnership skills? We help
couples manage partnership
issues and problems ... we coach partners to coach each other.
Are you a helping professional? Do you want to improve your
relationships and gain professional insights into systemic work?
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