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Solutions for Codependence
Weapons of Self-Destruction Martyn Carruthers

Online Life Coaching, Counseling & Soulwork Therapy

We help people end codependence and solve relationship problems.

Do you constantly complain?
Do you try to control people?
Do you avoid asserting yourself?
Do you try to make people give you things?

Codependence is about self-destruction and self-sabotage.
Do you repeat behaviors that bring unpleasant or painful consequences?
The consequences of codependence includes an inability to make mature decisions.

Is Codependence about You?

Codependence is a tendency to behave in overly passive or caretaking ways that impact one's relationships and quality of life. It often involves putting one's needs at a low priority while being preoccupied with the needs of others. Codependency can occur in any type of relationship ... Codependency may be characterized by denial, low self-esteem, compliance, and/or control. Wikipedia

Codependence is about addictive relationships. In psychology literature, the most commonly described codependent relationships are between addicts and rescuers ... yet the most common codependence seems to be between partners, and between parents and their own children. Beware of codependent helping professionals.

Codependence is normal in some countries and codependent behavior seems to be linked depression, stress, anxiety and hypochondria. Evaluate the television romances that you grew up with, and the lyrics of your favorite love songs.

If you are healthy and independent, you may be called selfish, arrogant and uncaring ... by people who prefer parasitic, symbiotic or codependent relationships.

Who are you hiding from?

Mature people in healthy relationships deal with conflicts openly and quickly. Immature people often hide conflicts until they emotionally explode over some detail. We coach individuals, couples, families and teams to build secure and intimate relationships.

Some people seem to disconnect from others. They have few or no friends, and often suffer unpleasant relationships with family members or work colleagues. For such  disconnected people, codependence may be a step towards health - a step away from isolation - sometimes a step away from suicide.

Codependency is like an an addiction ... in a codependent relationship, you cannot be yourself. You must hide your identity and goals. To do this, you would likely have deep beliefs about being unworthy or not good enough. Dependent people were often trained to believe that real love requires denial, suffering and sacrifice.

Surprisingly, codependence may follow an abortion or the death of a twin during pregnancy. The death of an unborn sibling or womb-twin often may (unconsciously) impact the lives of surviving children, who, seeking perfect Soul Mates, suffer chains of codependent relationships.

Many sects and cults attract dependent people. Our exit coaching can help motivated adults leave cult-like organizations and live a life based on independence and emotional freedom. We help some people set their spirits free.

Professional Codependence

Some codependent people forget who they are, and focus on what other people want. Although codependence is a terrible quality for a helping professional, codependent people seem to seek, recognize and attract codependent professionals.

Codependent helping professionals are unlikely to support healthy independence, and may sabotage healthier relationships. Codependent counselors or therapists may feel obsessed to help victims ... and their clients finance their obsessions.

I said goodbye to my therapist after four years of therapy ...
she helped me do so many little things that I came to depend on her.
She was so nice ... I paid her over $1000 per month to be my Mom.

Are you a helping professional? Do you behave in codependent ways towards your patients and clients? Do you delay your clients' recovery by your dependence on their sickness? Or can you do your work without sympathy or enmeshment?

Choose a coach, counselor or therapist who is grounded in his or her own
healthy reality; someone with mature compassion instead of sympathy.
Healthy relationships are the best healing agents.

Self Evaluation

Even though you may long for peace and happiness - do you sabotage yourself?

  1. Do you forget what you want?
  2. Do you seek people to look after you?
  3. Do you have difficulty saying what you want?
  4. Do you judge your own goals as unimportant?
  5. Do you avoid stating your goals, needs or wishes?
  6. Do you value other people's wishes over your own?

Your ability to define and achieve goals reflects your sense of life. We can coach you to mature and live with independent integrity.

Denial & Feelings

  • Do you hide your feelings?
  • Do you avoid expressing your feelings?
  • Do you minimize, distort or deny how you feel?

We can help you feel your own feelings and manage your own emotions.


Some communication trainers define hypnosis as "uncritical acceptance of suggestion". What percentage of your life are you following suggestions? Have you guarded the the doors of your perception? Are you following post-hypnotic commands?

  • Can you state your own opinions?
  • Are you loyal to people who hurt or harm you?
  • Do you participate in sex when you don't want to?
  • Do you dedicate your life to other people's pleasure?

Psychosomatic disease is common amongst people who cannot communicate their personal truth. Instead, their bodies communicate for them - sometimes in unpleasant ways. What does your body communicate through symptoms?

It seems to be right and natural that adults protect their children, and control their children's behavior until the children are independent adults. It seems appropriate that employers control their employees behavior at work. But for codependents, there may be no borders, no context ... and no exit.

  • Do you act as if most people need your care?
  • Are you angry if people ignore your good advice?
  • Do you offer food or withhold sex to get what you want?
  • Do you tell people what they should think or how they should feel?

Contact us to manage your emotions and solve relationship problems.

Online Life Coaching & Counseling for Codependence

I thought you were just another therapist - but you were not just. Not even. Not only.

Plagiarism is theft. Copyright Martyn Carruthers 2002-2018
All rights reserved.

If you like our work, please link to us. If you know someone who might benefit,
please mention or

For online help, email us at:

Soulwork systemic coaching in America & Hawaii


Soulwork systemic coaching in England, Wales & Scotland

Soulwork systemic coaching in Croatia & Serbia

Soulwork systemic coaching in Poland



Have You Suffered Enough?

 Where are you now? Understand your emotions, fixations and enmeshments
What do you hope for? Know your goals and stop sabotaging yourself
Do you feel resourceful? Learn to develop your inner resources
Do emotions block you? Relationship problems and mentor damage
Do your beliefs limit you? Change limiting beliefs and end dependence
Do you feel connected? Resolve identity issues to recover lost resources
Is your partner happy? Build healthy partnership (or separate peacefully)
Are your children healthy? Happy parents better manage family problems
Do you want team success? Team leaders and their teams develop together
Do you have complex goals? Specialty coaching, counseling & therapy

Plagiarism is theft. Copyright Martyn Carruthers 1996-2018  All rights reserved. Soulwork Systemic Coaching was primarily developed by Martyn Carruthers to help people solve emotional problems and relationship conflicts to achieve their goals. These concepts and strategies are for general knowledge only. Consult a physician about medical conditions and before changing medical treatment. Don't steal intellectual property ... get permission to post, publish or teach Martyn's work - email