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Support for Healthy Child Development
Soulwork for parents and educators © Marinka Spodniak

Online Soulwork Coaching & Counseling for Parents


EVERY Child is an Excellent Learner

Small children are especially good at learning quickly. They can learn the meaning and the pronunciation of the words and the grammar of their mother tongue with a success that few adults will ever achieve. Children can easily imitate each other’s gestures and postures with great precision. Children learn from their surroundings using an enormous and precious ability to imitate.

As a teacher in kindergarten and a principle in elementary schools, I observe daily how powerful and “able” this imitation is and how it loses its power during the first school years.

A child learns numerous skills and meanings without intention and conscious efforts. It is simply naturally open and present in that what is in his surroundings. A child is not conscious of how and what it had learned by imitation.

But … a child could not achieve even its upright position without an adult human being in its surroundings. Nor learn any word without hearing it spoken by a human being.

This means that how we feel, behave and what we do in a child’s surroundings goes deeply into his bodily and psychic constitution and remains there unconscious and very well hidden under the veil of unconsciousness.

This is the reason why a child silently adopts not only good emotions, thoughts, beliefs from adults but also bad and toxic ones. Adults surrounding a child have probably a lot of such heritage from their adults. The story goes further and further into the past of the family tree and it is not difficult to understand how, for example, some child in his extremely strong feeling of anger is connected with his grand-grand-grand-grandmother, unconsciously, of course.

Abilities of Educators

This is so important for healthy child development. The question is how we, as adults, can foster our influence on children and their development. This question is even more important for teachers who influence large numbers of children!

The qualities of educators that I find important for healthy child development are:

  1. Personal integrity and self-esteem
  2. Deep respect for life, world and human being
  3. Control of one's own habits, temperament, character
  4. Emotional stability and maturity, balanced psychic life
  5. Interest and results in self-development
  6. Team work with other adults

All these abilities are interconnected and the improvement in one brings improvement in any of them. They are ordered according to the growth of a child. Deep respect for the life, world and human being is essential for the small, in huge reverence for the world, open child. This reverence for the world is desperately needed when dealing with the challenging and usually confused teenagers, too.

But a teenager who lively experiences and develops his/her own personality, besides abilities 1 to 4, needs to meet adults who are effective in self perception and self-development. Weak people cannot cope with youngsters in free and healthy ways. Weak educators tend to use repressive methods which in youngsters provoke either depression or aggression.

Let's take a closer look at those required abilities and how it is possible to improve one's own abilities!

1. Express deep respect for life, world and humanity

  • The world is good.
  • Life is precious.

An adult who embodies a deep respect for life, world and human being spreads around himself optimism, enthusiasm, openness and YES to the unique nature of any child. This helps a child to be as it actually and naturally is: open to the world and new experiences! This helps a child to express freely who he/she is and what he/she wants.

This is the only way towards child's creativity in adult age, developed out of freedom of perception and expression. This is the way how a child's talents and potentials can come out, can be perceived by educators and then nurtured and developed.

Irrational fears have no place in a child's surroundings. Any objection you might have against those two upper statements shows that your real experience and conscious/unconscious reality disagree with them. You have some values, beliefs, bonds which oppose to these positive beliefs. It is useful to discover them and transform them.

Another typical burden is an inappropriate, inadequate or insufficient appreciation of one's own parents, those crucial people in our own worlds. Insufficient appreciation of parents is the origin of weakness, unresoucefulness. Aimlessness in our future and goals, too.

2. Show personal integrity and self-esteem

Every one of us is a precious part of the universe. Appreciation for the world, life, humanity excluding our own self is not correct. Perception of one's self as a precious and unique part of the universe is like a star which shines and spreads light all around. For a child this is like a blessing. A child can build himself/herself according to this shiny model.

3. Control one's own habits, temperament and character

As we go through life, we become more and more conscious of our habits, our temperament and character. Members of our family, colleagues at work, illnesses and life experiences, show us what is inappropriate. But knowing and doing are two different things!

Habits, temperament and character are anchored in unconscious layers of our being and to change them requires from us to have a strong persistence in practicing changed habits and features of temperament and character over longer periods of time. It is a hard rock to move! It is a huge challenge to our forces of will. If the will is weak, there is no chance of changing!

Through Soulwork's dream-work and soul-walk it is possible to face more consciously the burdens that cause these unpleasant habits and features of temperament and character. When you are in a position to taste them somehow and understand, it is possible to change them much more easily.

Tempered temperament, character and habits and ability to control them are needed abilities for any adult person who is taking care of a young child in the process of functional development of body constitution. It is a helpful tool: like a bearing structure for future building of a child.

4. Emotional stability and maturity, balanced psychic life

Emotionally stable, consistent and meaningful in thinking, persistent and life appropriate in actions – these are main attributes/fruits of a healthy psychic life of an adult person. These attributes are needed when there is a child in our surroundings and we want for him/her to develop good habits, tempered temperament and character.

Our exceedingly strong and unpleasant feelings have originated in our past and the past of the people with whom we were connected. It is similar with burdens in thinking and our activity.

5. Interest and results in self-development

Adult person with interest and results in self-development is a supportive axis for a teenager governing the unpredictable and strong emotions and climbing in yes-no perspectives of the world. Interest and results in self-development assures parents and teachers in having a required minimum respectability from teenagers. It enables communication with them.

6. Team work with other adults

You can function very well with your abilities on your own. But in pairs or teamwork you can have difficulties and your abilities might not manifest.

When you are a parent or a grandparent you need to work like a team with your partner in the same direction with similar values, beliefs. First respect and love each other. Those are the conditions for all your personal abilities (respect for life, control of habits,..,...,.) to be effective to the highest degree.

It is the same with a team of teachers, kindergarten teachers, or any kind of educators. When couples or teams do not really co-work, child experiences this as weakness in his body and soul.

The best heritage we could give to our children is the best of what we really are.

I can help you to change your abilities and improve your cooperation in pairs to assure better conditions for child development.

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I thought you were just another therapist - but you were not just. Not even. Not only.

Plagiarism is theft. Copyright © Marinka Spodniak 2010 All rights reserved

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Have You Suffered Enough?

 Where are you now? Understand your emotions, fixations and enmeshments
What do you hope for? Know your goals and stop sabotaging yourself
Do you feel resourceful? Learn to develop your inner resources
Do emotions block you? Relationship problems and mentor damage
Do your beliefs limit you? Change limiting beliefs and end dependence
Do you feel connected? Resolve identity issues to recover lost resources
Is your partner happy? Build healthy partnership (or separate peacefully)
Are your children healthy? Happy parents better manage family problems
Do you want team success? Team leaders and their teams develop together
Do you have complex goals? Specialty coaching, counseling & therapy

Plagiarism is theft. Copyright © Martyn Carruthers 1996-2018  All rights reserved. Soulwork Systemic Coaching was primarily developed by Martyn Carruthers to help people solve emotional problems and relationship conflicts to achieve their goals. These concepts and strategies are for general knowledge only. Consult a physician about medical conditions and before changing medical treatment. Don't steal intellectual property ... get permission to post, publish or teach Martyn's work - email