Are you Entangled with your Parents or Ancestors?
Does your family history influence you? Yes!
Does it rule you? That's up to you.
Are you repeating your family history?
Are you trying to complete your parents' or ancestors' unfinished
business? Here are some common symptoms:
- Living in the past
- Hereditary illnesses
- Never feeling "good enough"
- Family is not socially accepted
- Anger and aggressive behavior
- Cannot accept the present or the future
- Recurring emotional conditions such as depression
- Recurring patterns of unhappy or failed relationships
Attachments can be passed down from the generations,
from ancestors that you never met or even heard about. Family
patterning of issues such as suicide, incest, abuse and abortion
can pass down through the generations - even if your parents did
not have these issues. A modern explanation for this is that this
Entangled and enmeshed relationships can hurt
you and the people you love. Entangled relationships with parents,
grandparents aunts and uncles etc can cause chaos and suffering.
Such enmeshments can diminish your ability to manage emotions and solve relationship
Some Ancestral Entanglements
You identify with a parent or other ancestor
You communicate or project as ancestor's prejudices
You depend on an ancestor who depends on
You believe something to feel connected
to an ancestor
You perceive someone as if that person were an ancestor
You feel bad because an ancestor hurt someone
Are you confused or bothered by
emotional reactions or relationship habits that
seem to connect you to your parents or other ancestors? We can help
you free yourself from parental and ancestral entanglements.
Normal & Healthy Relationships
Many people come to us who want to have
normal relationships. But normal relationships may be
unhealthy. It is normal for some mothers to over-love their
eldest or only sons. It is normal for some fathers to devote
themselves to their youngest or only daughters. It is normal
for some grandparents to become substitute parents to their
Do you sometimes pretend to be a
lost child? Do you sometimes try to parent other adults?
Do you sometimes play victimizer, victim or rescuer roles? These
role-playing games can be intense ... and they have high
stakes. You bet your life.
Many families, organizations and cults enmesh
people to control their behavior. There may be rules, but
often the key rules are secret. Sometimes you can only lose.
Common Signs of Entanglements
|Don't say what you mean
||Don't take yourself seriously
||Claim everything is your fault
||Never say "No"
|Don't mean what you say
||Tell people not to take you seriously
||Claim nothing is your fault
||Never say "Yes"
|Don't know what you mean
||Take yourself too seriously
||Avoid talking about yourself
||Lie, protect and cover up for people
|Apologize for being alive
||Are never sure what is being
||Talk too much
||Talk in self-critical, or hostile ways
Only say what provokes people
Only express opinions when people will agree
Claim to sacrifice your happiness for others
Cannot express emotions appropriately
Many people are manipulated - and
may manipulate others by - sexual entanglements. The most common may
be in sales - pretty young women can sell just about anything. Also
common are people who provide sexual pleasure - often without
receiving pleasure themselves - in return for some benefit.
Partnership & Sexual Entanglements
- Do you initiate sex when you feel bad?
- Can you ask for what you want in bed?
- Do you withdraw from your sex partner?
- Are you disgusted by your sex partner?
- Do you have sex when you don't want to?
- Has sex become robotic?
- Do you tell lies to avoid sex?
- Have you lost interest in sex?
- Do you consider sexual affairs?
- Do you hope a partner will die?
Many codependent entanglements and
dysfunctional disorders get worse over time, moving through
symbiosis towards codependence and disconnection. You may become
addicted to your own emotions - or addicted to hiding your emotions.
What are the consequences of entanglements?
Common Consequences of Codependence
- feel lethargic, bored or low energy
- feel dejected and depressed
- feel hopeless, helpless &
- feel withdrawn and isolated
- abuse or neglect your children
- avoid your responsibilities
- consider self-harm or suicide
- become aggressive and violent
- psychosomatic disease
- eating and sleeping disorders
- addictions to substances
- autoimmune disease symptoms
Your emotions can indicate
your level of codependence:
|Anger / Rage
||Fear / Anxiety
||Sadness / Melancholy
- Are you afraid of your own anger?
- Are you frightened of other people's anger?
- Do you hide or swallow angry feelings?
- Are you afraid of authorities?
- Are you afraid of being abandoned?
- Are you afraid of consequences?
- Do you proclaim your sadness?
- Do you punish people who make you sad?
- Do you feel guilty for feeling sad?
Human entanglements often include avoiding or overloading responsibility.
Entangled adults often appear immature and childish, or may be overly
protective (control freaks) towards other adults. Protection
can be a small step from control.
Entanglements & Responsibility
- Do you give unwanted advice?
- Must you help people with problems?
- Do you obsess about people's needs?
- Do you try to please other people (but not yourself)?
- Do you feel victimized?
- Are you overly responsible?
- Are you overly irresponsible?
- Do you only attract needy people?
- Are you attracted to needy people?
Do you want to change - or to suffer? Contact us to manage negative emotions, end
self-sabotage and solve relationship problems.
Online Life Coaching, Counseling and
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Martyn Carruthers 2002-2017 All rights reserved.