Are you emotionally enmeshed with an abusive authority?
Do you want to untangle
your life and reclaim your freedom?
Were you Abused?
As you read this, you
may become aware of disturbing facts. Later, please talk to friends
about how damage by authorities may apply to your life.
Please don't make it worse ...
avoid hasty conclusions or retribution.
Most abusers claim good intentions. Some may say that they
want to help you reach spiritual goals.
Some may say that they want to help you avoid suffering. Some may claim to help you by making decisions for you.
But sooner or later, you will likely feel abused, manipulated or depressed - or
worse, you may feel dependent on them.
Few religions, philosophies or cults have guidelines about how much
authority their leaders have over their followers, and abuse by teachers,
priests, therapists and gurus is common. (This includes financial abuse,
e.g. fraud and exploitation by television evangelists, charity frauds, false gurus etc.)
Many people who have used popular or New age therapies,
have told us that they felt fine for a time, and then felt worse. If
they dissociated (cleared) their unpleasant feelings or emotions without learning
about their feelings, they learned how to
avoid their own body signals, and soon experience internal disconnection.
I became a therapist to help people, and I chose a modality that
get rid of my negative emotions. Now, however, I feel like
an empty shell -
my emotions were parts of ME ... please help me get
them back! London
Despair is to be without happiness or hope. Happiness requires a feeling of wellbeing and hope focuses on the future. Lasting happiness requires that you set
and make quality decisions. (Your past consequences can help you make better decisions.)
Assess Coaches, Therapists or Mentors
Were you damaged by a therapist, trainer
or spiritual advisor? Can you
recognize reliable coaches, supportive
therapists or effective mentors?
If possible, notice how potential mentors help other people.
Does a potential mentor:
- have good interpersonal skills
- have quality personal relationships
- provide feedback for better relationships
- assess needs and desires
- walk his or her own talk
- show competence and caring
- show acceptance and empathy
- show trustworthy and credibility
- show experience and support
- show friendliness and knowledge
Is a potential mentor likely to help you:
- evaluate your relationships and
solve relationship problems?
- recover identity loss - your lost
qualities, expertise and skills?
- end self-criticism and inner
conflict, and help you recover integrity?
- resolve mentor or therapy damage &
find inspirational mentorship?
- define your goals, manage your objections
and plan for your success?
- manage emotions from trauma and abuse,
and rebuild your motivation?
Spiritual Abuse & Toxic Mentorship
Spiritual abuse occurs when people attempt to control or manipulate
you to advance their own agendas, often using abstract words and vague ideals with little regard to
your consequences. They may try to replace
your personal responsibilities with a religious
dogma, abstract philosophy or political agenda.
issues are healthy reactions to unhealthy relationships!
One result is cult-like behavior. You become dependent or
compliant. You believe and do things that you would previously
avoid. You feel anxious if you do not follow orders. You feel anger towards people who disagree with you. You want to punish heretics!
Afterwards, you may not trust any authority. You may not recognize who supports you and who does not. You may
dismiss potential mentors as charlatans; therapists as con-artists; and
religious leaders as crooks. You may feel victimized and angry.
Since I entered the world of NLP,
hypnotherapy and inspirational self-improvement,
my life has changed. I
definitely don't like the changes, but I can't get out of them
were imprinted in me on an emotional level. Chicago
Such abuse rarely lasts forever and you can heal your
imprints and wounds. As you heal mentor abuse, spiritual damage or worthless therapy,
you can find healthier ways to express yourself
and regain self-respect. We often help victims of abuse learn
who to trust and how be trustworthy.
Commitment, Community & Friendship
Healthy relationships require healthy relationship skills.
People with poor relationship skills often seek
substitutes for parents, friends, partners and children.
I can't tell you how many times I was spiritually abused. I
searched for a long time
for people of integrity who have the courage to admit
when they don't have all the answers.
Your simple honesty meant the
world to me. Philadelphia
Some people may pretend friendship to elicit information
from you - which they later use to hurt you, manipulate you or
sell you something. While politicians and salespeople are notorious for manipulative
many other people may also try to influence or abuse you.
Authority Abuse & Relationship Bonds
Most children defer to their parents. Most students obey their
teachers. Most employees comply with their managers. Most devotees
worship their gurus.
Relationship bonds affect all of life.
Many people will try to control your income, your vote or your
behavior. Some will want your respect, or at least your recognition
that they have power over you. Some people use peer pressure
and guilt to enforce and reinforce your obedience.
If you try to make people do things - people who are
not your children, students or employees - you may want to be
seen as an authority. If you obsess about controlling people,
you may depend on those people to depend on you (see
No matter your intentions, if you try to replace their parents,
teachers or employers ... perhaps you want to be perceived as
some sort of guru.
You risk depending on the dependence of others.
You may become codependent with people who cling to your dependence
on them. And if you are successful, you can witness a cult forming ...
a cult of you. (Many people diagnosed as psychotic seem to
be in cults with only one member!)
We can help you solve emotional and
Online Coaching, Relationship Counseling & Systemic Therapy
Obsessions, Compliance & Spiritual Abusers
While you may not consider yourself to be a cult member - many intelligent, caring people find themselves
creating webs of deception. All they need do is accept
someone's ideas as revealed truth without checking the
facts, or by ignoring the consequences of their own compliance.
If you were to justify your obsessions and convince yourself that you are
somehow special or chosen, then some of the
following are not only possible but likely.
||You blame others for your errors.
You want other people to pay for your mistakes.
|You must endlessly prove yourself right.
forgive yourself - or others.
You are preoccupied with anger and judging.
||You want to hide mistakes.
You want people to validate your life by following your
||You justify and repeat mistakes
You only do what you are good at
You live a double life, hiding much of yourself
||You want people to believe what you
believe - and you believe that you should instruct or control them.
||You prefer philosophy to integrity
You avoid individual responsibility
You define happiness as obedience
||You want to reduce your conflict.
You want people to deny ideas or ignore opinions that differ to yours.
||You ignore your feelings and emotions
You feel threatened by different opinions
You become generally suspicious of people
||You want to look good. Your facade is
more important than your happiness.
||You manage your image to gain recognition, respect
and perhaps money, but you lose contact with your sense of life
and your happiness
||You want people to support your
authority. You try to minimize their relationships outside your system.
||You obsess about other people's behavior, how
their behavior reflects your authority,
and how things look to people more powerful than you.
||You want to own or control
other people's money or possessions - for a greater good, of course.
||You know what everything costs, except for joy,
happiness and integrity. You may be a thief - for your best
good cause ... for yourself.
The word "spiritual" has many meanings. We help people manage
unpleasant emotions and
solve relationship enmeshments.
Online Coaching, Relationship Counseling & Systemic Therapy
I thought you were just
another therapist - but you were not just. Not even. Not only.
Plagiarism is theft. Copyright ©
Martyn Carruthers 2005-2017 All rights reserved.