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Interview with Martyn
Fee, Cost, Price

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Resolve Couple Conflicts Quickly (2)
Solve Partnership Issues © Martyn Carruthers

Online Couple Coaching & Soulwork Therapy

Happy partnership is not about finding a perfect partner.
Happy partnership is about resolving conflicts together.

Continued from Solutions for Couple Conflict

Real partners have real conflicts, discussions and arguments

Do you want a "happy ever after"? If you and your partner have no arguments or conflicts - maybe you are still on honeymoon ... or perhaps you are having
an affair ... or do you stay together for other reasons than intimacy?

I wanted to talk to my husband about how we can improve our marriage.
He said that if we had to talk about it, that meant it wasn't working.

If you appear to have no conflicts - are you in a partnership or a dictatorship? Or is someone hiding unpleasant emotions or avoiding important issues? Do you
resolve conflicts or do you ignore them and hope that they will go away?

Common Relationship Conflicts
Raising children
Differing maturity
Money and budgets
Different expectations
Interfering parents
Suspected infidelity
Sexual compatibility
(S)he won't listen to me
Driving habits
Different values
Household chores
(S)he avoids conflicts

If you want to check your partnership skills, see Patterns of Partnership

We often help couples dream together - to create shared dreams of happiness and then explore how they can make their dreams come true. Dreaming together is sowing seeds ... working together provides the sunshine and rain ... lasting happiness is the harvest. While itís easier to talk about dreams during a honeymoon; itís important to remember your dreams during a conflict.

My husband and I understand each other now. Things that got on my nerves no longer
bother me. We can talk at length on just about any topic. We have not had a
screaming match or resentment since your couple counseling.

Have you told your partner how you want to be loved? Have you explored how your partner wants to be loved? We help people discuss feelings as well as behaviors - both as relationship first aid and as a way to make better decisions.

You probably know very well what each other likes and dislikes.
Do you use this knowledge to irritate each other?

We help partners understand, appreciate and validate each other's perspectives, history, beliefs and values, as a basis for mutual support and cooperation. Enjoying partnership is usually much more fulfilling than partnership breakdown.

Online Couple Coaching & Soulwork Therapy

Put ELATION in RelationSHIP

Do you wait until your conflicts reach CRISIS before you seek help? The earlier you improve your relationship - the more likely that you can solve your issues easily.

When I asked my husband to help with the housework, he would stall and forget it.
If I was angry, he accused me of over-reacting. If I reminded him of his promises,
he complained I was nagging. After our couple counseling with you, we ENJOY
doing most housework together! Other parts of our life are better too!

We help partners change old habits that lead to boredom and frustration. If both of you commit to evaluating your partnership, and if both of you choose to be mature - budgets can be made, frustration and boredom can be reversed, and arguments can become stimulating conversations.

We are gay and we have been together for five years. You helped us remodel our
relationship and plan what we can do if my HIV positive partner develops AIDS.

If a partner rejects possibilities for reconciliation, then indifference, affairs or separation may seem inevitable. Although we provide separation coaching - we prefer to help partners find better ways to express and receive love. Do you want your partnership to get lost in boredom or affairs? Do you have space for love?

Finding happiness together usually requires both partners sort out a lot of old habits, not only the "right" way to make coffee or clean the bathroom but any "I know I'm right " thinking habits. Much better to approach each other with a "let's find out together what works best for us" attitude. What old habits might block your progress?

Your Partner is not Perfect

And neither are you. Many people who separate are motivated by fantasies ... perhaps a more perfect person may be out there looking for you ... or maybe your partner had an affair. Most relationship conflicts are predictable partnership problems - and you can resolve most of them - or prevent them.

I married a perfect woman. She was gorgeous, sexy and rich ... we had a wonderful time at her
father's expense. But when her dad had money problems, we both had to work and we
argued every day. Your couple coaching helped us ... we may not have fancy cars and
expensive holidays now, now we are adult partners ... not adult children!

We help couples evaluate and improve their partnership - and improve their relationships with their families, ex-partners, friends and colleagues. We help people change old habits and make healthy decisions about their lives together.

When we ignored our problems, we damaged our relationship!
Our love got bogged down in passive-aggression and codependence.
Why did we wait? We didn't know that change was possible!

Check your partnership skills, see Patterns of Partnership

Healthy Partnership Partnership in Crisis
Partners often show appreciation and gratitude to each other One or both are often dissociated, irritated, depressed, bored, critical or show contempt
Partners respond to most verbal and nonverbal communications One or both ignore, avoid or shorten most communications
Partners review events in their history They rarely review their relationship history
Partners greet after time apart and ask about each other's activities and other news They rarely interact when together, without even silent intimacy
Partners enjoy meeting each other's needs for passion, intimacy and commitment One or both often ignore or criticize the other's goals and needs
Partners discuss goals and dreams, finding shared values and creating shared meanings. They rarely discuss goals, values or dreams
Partners often go out together They generally prefer to go out alone
Partners create projects which require committed cooperation One or both often avoid, ignore or give small attention to shared projects
They wish to stay together to enjoy sharing partnership and parenthood happiness One or both want to separate but cannot because of guilt, fear or constraints
They respect most of each other's choices and decisions, and politely discuss differences One or both show contempt for the other's decisions and angrily demand changes
Partners want to walk through life together One or both partners want to leave

Double Vision and Mature Love

Are you enmeshed in previous relationships? We help you untangle from parents, ex-lovers, etc. While we prefer to help partners enjoy happy and fulfilling lives together, we help some couples separate and disconnect as peacefully as possible.

Your couple counseling transcended sexual attraction and personal gain ... you helped us
explore our needs and define our desires ... we have so many thanks ...

Do you want to manage your emotions and enjoy happier relationships?

Online Couple Coaching, Counseling & Soulwork Training

I thought you were just another therapist - but you were not just. Not even. Not only.

Plagiarism is theft. Copyright © Martyn Carruthers 1998-2018
All rights reserved

If you like our work, please link to us. If you know someone who might benefit,
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For online help, email us at:

Soulwork systemic coaching in America & Hawaii


Soulwork systemic coaching in England, Wales & Scotland

Soulwork systemic coaching in Croatia & Serbia

Soulwork systemic coaching in Poland



Have You Suffered Enough?

 Where are you now? Understand your emotions, fixations and enmeshments
What do you hope for? Know your goals and stop sabotaging yourself
Do you feel resourceful? Learn to develop your inner resources
Do emotions block you? Relationship problems and mentor damage
Do your beliefs limit you? Change limiting beliefs and end dependence
Do you feel connected? Resolve identity issues to recover lost resources
Is your partner happy? Build healthy partnership (or separate peacefully)
Are your children healthy? Happy parents better manage family problems
Do you want team success? Team leaders and their teams develop together
Do you have complex goals? Specialty coaching, counseling & therapy

Plagiarism is theft. Copyright © Martyn Carruthers 1996-2018  All rights reserved. Soulwork Systemic Coaching was primarily developed by Martyn Carruthers to help people solve emotional problems and relationship conflicts to achieve their goals. These concepts and strategies are for general knowledge only. Consult a physician about medical conditions and before changing medical treatment. Don't steal intellectual property ... get permission to post, publish or teach Martyn's work - email