Our Systemic Psychology is about success - it is about clarity, motivation,
actions and consequences. It's
about knowing where you are now, knowing where you want to be, resolving
conflicts, changing beliefs and enjoying relationships.
You are subject to the rules of many relationship systems. You
are a member of your early family, your current and past friendships,
your current and past teams, your current and past partnerships and your
regional and national communities. Do you sometimes feel confused or
overwhelmed by your relationship duties?
You are also subject to the often-unstated rules of your relationships,
which include what you can do and even what you can believe. And, as human systems are subsystems of
planetary ecosystems, you are subject to the consequences of
environmental rules that govern the ecology of our planet.
In which of your relationships is it
against the rules to know the rules?
Simple rules cannot provide adequate
guidance for relationship behavior. (For example, "Be polite" has
little value with people from other cultures.) American rules of politeness
irritate Europeans and alienate Asians. You can learn cultural values and systemic rules
to better reach your goals.
We don't research your past
- we explore your present!
carry your past into your present, and we can help
you change your present to improve your future.
You can explore your relationship rules by exploring your relationship habits,
which probably follow patterns set
by your parents and schools. We can help you
change unwanted habits.
Our Coaching Philosophy
We offer long-term solutions for emotional and relationship problems.
Our life coaching is not
about technique - it's about integrity.
"Is a proposed change
in the best interest of everybody involved?"
Our integrity requires that we evaluate your relationship ecology first!
Few people ask about our philosophy - most ask about
our techniques. Yet obsession with technique
accompanies arrogance, client abuse and
therapist damage. Helping
professionals obsessed with technique can damage their clients.
Since I entered the world of NLP, hypnotherapy
and inspirational self-improvement, my life has changed. I definitely don't like
these changes, but I can't get out of them because they were imprinted in me on
an emotional level ... Email
Unskilled life coaching and counseling may support short-term
success ... and long-term damage. Changing relationship behavior
for short-term gains may precipitate lasting suffering. (E.g. Many
decisions to abort babies are made oblivious of the
consequences of abortion on the
parents and other children.)
How we developed Soulwork Life Coaching
(1) We studied how people's beliefs and emotions
influence their relationships
(2) We improved our coaching methods with this understanding
(3) We tested our methodology in unpaid sessions
(4) We fine tuned our work and tested again
Limits to Conversations
Attempts have been made to guide, regulate and limit the
conversations that are called coaching, counseling and
therapy. The presuppositions within those codes, guidelines and regulations
usually reflect the ambitions of the writers.
Abstract guidelines lack substance. The
International Coaching Federation (ICF) attempted to define coaching
relationships in 2002:
ICF Coaching Philosophy
The International Coach Federation (ICF) ...
honors the client as the expert in his/her life and work, and believes that
every client is creative, resourceful and whole. Standing on this foundation,
the coach's responsibility is to:
- Discover, clarify, and align with
what the client wants to achieve
- Encourage client self-discovery
- Elicit client-generated solutions and
- Hold the client responsible and
From ICF Standards, July 2002
- Most people are not expert in but are
unaware of their own life dynamics
- Few people can access their creativity,
resourcefulness and integrity
- Client-generated solutions and strategies are
often totally unrealistic
- Nobody can truthfully discover, clarify
and align with all client goals
- Many adults actively avoid responsibility and accountability
- Self-discovery often exposes strong unpleasant
Our Life Coaching Philosophy
We help people improve their relationship behavior as we research the causes,
benefits, choices and consequences of similar behaviors
with people from similar cultural backgrounds
In our coaching, counseling and training, we
offer experience. We teach
through demonstration, discussion, exercises
Soulwork Code of Conduct
Life Coaching & Informed Consent
clear information about potential risks, benefits and alternative methods to
achieve goals or to solve specified problems. We discuss the risks, benefits, consequences and
alternative methods for reaching goals.
As guests of relationship systems, you are also subject to systemic
consequences. If you try to make decisions for people
without their informed consent, you risk becoming emotionally entangled with those
If you try to make decisions for your clients, you risk becoming a substitute for a parent. Although some of your clients may enjoy this ...
may become increasingly dependent or
antagonistic as they relive their family drama ... with you.
If you behave in a way that our behavior could
be misconstrued, probably some people will misconstrue it. Even if you become enmeshed
unknowingly, it may be difficult to sort it out.
Take responsibility to act
Many helping professionals take
parental roles towards clients - and some try to take partner roles
(perhaps in intimate affairs). Although becoming a substitute family
member has enormous influence on the lives of both the professionals and their clients,
these unpleasant consequences seem
to be ignored in most training programs.
Personal Philosophy & Integrity
How were you programmed during your early relationships? What unrealistic
beliefs do you still cherish? Have you overcome your childish desires to obey your parents and conform to
their values and standards?
Your personal philosophy will reflect your morals and integrity, explain your
influence how you understand people ... how you make decisions, how
you relate to various people and how you deal with the consequences
of your actions.
Do you use techniques or do you
help people develop?
- Are your own relationships happy and healthy?
- Do you follow a similar formula with every client?
- Do you offer people coaching, dogma or
- With what relationship types do you claim
- Why do you want to help people change their
- Can you predict the relationship consequences of your
- Are you offended or irritated if someone ignores your good advice?
Relationship Coaching & Counseling: Codes of Ethics
Coaching and counseling philosophies can be abstract, while
practical ethics are easier to specify. Our practical ethics include:
- maintain confidentiality
- offer a paid service only if competent
- clarify rules and boundaries with clients
- claim only qualifications that are possessed
- respect every member of a relationship system
- make appropriate referrals to competent professionals
- use extra safeguards when
and young adults
How to become Whys
Coaching, counseling and therapy are a series of conversations. For our conversations
to be useful, and for changes to be both beneficial and lasting, we often educate
people about the causes of their relationship habits, the potential consequences of changes, and how
to develop appropriate relationship skills.
Questions that explore professional integrity
"What does your client want?", "What
does your client pay for?"
"What does your client
For us to help people get what they want
- we must first agree with what they want. We help people
befriend unpleasant emotions before we help them change those
emotions. We help people begin, improve, maintain and end
relationships. We help people recognize and resolve relationship conflicts
and other problems.
We coach, mentor and train people to:
- define and fulfill their responsibilities
- fulfill responsibilities to their relationship
- manage relationship transferences and
- explore relationship consequences of individual
- find solutions for cross-generational
Do you help people manage emotions and
resolve relationship issues
create life problems - or do you just try to fix the life problems?
Online Life Coaching, Relationship Counseling &
Plagiarism is theft. Copyright © Martyn Carruthers
& Kosjenka Muk 2008-2018
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