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We present interactive and
demonstration-rich workshops on systemic coaching, emotional intelligence,
family chaos and relationships. Email us if you might like a workshop.
Background of Systemic Coaching
Elements of our ecosystem influence each other in
complex patterns of interdependency, and human relationships are
part of that vast complexity.
You are a member of many relationship systems, and
subject to the often-complex, often-contradictory and often-unknown rules of
those systems. Complex relationship rules often hide under simple verbalizations (e.g.
"Be polite" is inadequate guidance for meeting strangers from other
culture).
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Is it is against the rules to discuss the rules? |
You can explore your relationship rules by observation
and testing. Objective rules are documented, following
patterns set by tradition and precedence. Subjective rules are often
unconscious and unwritten, following patterns learned during childhood.
Relationship Systems Coaching: Philosophy & Technique
There are no
right cultures, no true worldviews and no correct
philosophies. There are actions
and consequences. Effective long-term solutions for relationship
problems can be provided by
people who understand systemic rules and systemic
solutions - and who are motivated to provide them.
Many helping professionals don't want philosophy
- they want technique. Yet technique
without understanding can lead to failure or worse. Systems
theory enables helping professionals to create systemic interventions.
Obsession with technique can lead to
client abuse and
mentor damage.
Changing or modifying relationship behavior for a short
term is relatively easy. Changing relationship behavior in
ways that benefit the families of origin, friends, teams, partnerships and
communities for extended periods requires a practical and in-depth knowledge
of relationship systems.
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Good coaching is not
about technique - it's about integrity. "Is a proposed change
in the best interest of everybody involved?" asks for relationship
ecology to be evaluated. |
[
Coaching in Chaos .
Expert Modeling ]
Limits to Conversation?
Attempts have been made to guide, regulate and limit the
conversations that are called coaching, counseling, consulting and therapy.
The presuppositions within those codes, guidelines and regulations reflect the
goals of the writers.
The International Coaching Federation (ICF), for
example, define a coach's responsibilities:
ICF Coaching Philosophy
The International Coach Federation ... honors the
client as the expert in his/her life and work, and believes that every
client is creative, resourceful and whole. Standing on this foundation,
the coach's responsibility is to:
- Discover, clarify, and align with
what the client wants to achieve
- Encourage client self-discovery
- Elicit client-generated solutions and
strategies
- Hold the client responsible and
accountable
From ICF Standards, revised July 2002 |
Abstract guidelines cannot
provide useful guidance for complex relationships. Years of
experience with systemic coaching indicate that most people are not
expert in but unaware of their life dynamics; most people cannot
specify what they want; self-discovery
may uncover unpleasant emotions; client-generated solutions may be
highly unrealistic and many people avoid responsibility and accountability.
Coaching & Informed Consent
A coach, counselor or therapist can gain informed consent
before making decisions that affect a client. This would normally mean providing
clear information about potential risks, benefits and alternative methods to
achieve a defined goal, or to solve a certain problem. It would also require
that the practitioner ensures that the risks, benefits, consequences and
alternative methods are understood.
This step is for the benefit of both practitioner and client.
A practitioner is part of the system and subject to systemic consequences.
Practitioners who avoid this ethical step, and make decisions for their clients
without gaining informed consent, risk becoming emotionally entangled with their
clients.
Personal Philosophy & Integrity
Systemic coaching can help you create a personal philosophy
that reflects your moral standards and integrity. Your personal philosophy
influences how you understand reality, how you
make decisions, how you behave and how you accept the consequences
of your actions.
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Do you use techniques, or do you coach human beings?
- Are your own relationships happy and healthy?
- Why do you want to help people change their
relationships?
- Do you follow some formula with every
person?
- Do you offer people "dogma" or "good advice"?
- With what relationship types do you claim
competence?
- Can you predict the consequences of your
"help"?
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Relationship Coaching: Codes of Ethics
Personal philosophies are abstract; and practical
ethics are easier to specify. Practical codes of ethics
for a relationship coach can include:
- offering a paid service only if competent
- claiming only qualifications that are possessed
- clarifying relationships and boundaries with clients
- respecting every member of a relationship system
- maintaining confidentiality
- upholding applicable laws
- making appropriate referrals
How to Become Whys
Coaching is a series of conversations.
For the conversations to be useful, and for changes to be beneficial and
lasting, relationship coaching includes education about the causes of relationship habits, the
consequences of change, and how to develop
relationship skills.
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Questions that explore a coach's integrity
include, "What does a client want?", "What
does a client pay for?" and "What does a client
take home?" |
[ Soulwork Code
of Conduct . Systems Theory ]
Systems Coaching Philosophy
Soulwork systemic coaching integrates empathy,
acceptance, empowerment and authenticity
to help people begin, improve, maintain and end
relationships. A systemic coach can recognize relationship
types and patterns, and predict the consequences of changework.
Systems coaching is about managing relationships.
A systemic coach can:
- dialogue without need or dependency
- fine-tune goals that affect many people
- find solutions for cross-generational relationship patterns
- resolve relationship transferences and
identifications
- fulfill responsibility to self, client and clients'
systems
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Systems coaching is not psychotherapy - we do
not analyze your past. It is not religious - we are no
authority on how you should live your life. It is not psychology
- we have no pre-systemic fascination with statistics. Nor is it medicine
- we do not diagnose medical conditions nor prescribe treatment. It is
not hypnosis - we avoid manipulation. And it is not New
Age - Soulwork is a prophet-free organization.
Bottom Line
A coach with an appropriate personal philosophy, suitable
training, quality supervision and a desire to live with integrity can help
people achieve miracles. A lack of these qualities may cause a coach to
increase their confusion or suffering. Mentor damage can hurt both the coach
and the abused clients. Get systemic coach training from experienced
trainers who demonstrate these qualities.
We offer effective
systems coaching, coach training and
mentorship. We train people to coach individuals, partners and teams to resolve
emotional, educational and relationship challenges.
Copyright © Martyn Carruthers 2005, 2009 All rights reserved.
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